Forgive Me Father- On Hiatus

Prologue

"NO! FUCK YOU J, FUCK YOU!"

"Boog, if you would jus-"

"NO! I'm done with this shit, I'm over all of this Jedidiah-- it's always about you and, and I am sick of this Jedi. Okay? I'm sick of this shit!" My voice cracked, my eyes threatening to betray me and release the tears I was fighting to keep from falling.

Fuck was I arguing with him for?

Fuck was I raising my voice for?

Six years, six long ass years I've been dealing with bullshit I didn't deserve. Not as a woman who did right by her man; I cooked and cleaned, sucked and fucked, even gave massages. I didn't bitch, I held it down and always rode for my man but of course none of that was enough... It was never enough. I performed wifely duties when I should've just kept it simple and played my part as the dumbass girlfriend he thought I was.

The girl who would stick around that long, keep everything up as it was--hell if not better than when we first met, and still still didn't have a ring after all this time.

"Sick of this? Nah baby-" I scoffed as he shook his head. "I done told you bout that threatening shit, you betta mean that shit next time it leave yo mouth, G. I mean that shit.."

Frowning, shaking my head, and throwing a hand in the air to wave him off, I turned and continued stuffing clothes inside of my bag. He either thought I was playing, or was just gonna give in to his pleading as usual but this time, I was for real. I meant every single word of it this time.

I was done.

"So you really gone leave? All the history don't mean shit? Six years Boogie, we been riding for six fucking years and you think imma just let you go? You got a nigga fucked up if that's what you thinking."

"Yeah, okay"

He didn't have to believe me, my actions would be my proof cause I was done with his ass.

I heard him let out a frustrated sigh behind me, "Can we just talk about this please? Please Boogie?"

Sighing, I zipped my bag before turning and sitting on the bed, crossing my right leg over the left and giving him a look signaling for him to continue.

"Look I fucked up, again, I know. I know it hurts you and I apologize baby, it didn't mean shit to me-- none of them other bitches meant shit to me either-"

"Well what the fuck you do it for then, J? You always say they don't mean shit, but this is the third time," I stressed while folding my arms. "You can't keep apologizing about the same shit if you gone keep doing it, that's spitting in my damn face!"

"And I know that, I can't even tell you why I keep doing this. I'm just a stupid ass nigga man, I know I would be pissed if the tables were turned just like I know you deserve better than this bullshit I put you through.. But baby I swear, without you, I wouldn't be no where near the man you help me to be. I wouldn't be this far in my career, this close to making it big without you. You the reason for all this shit-" he spoke, throwing his arms up. "You push me to do better, you motivate me and show me that you care. You the only one besides moms and Mani that I care about pleasing, if I disappoint you then I fail baby. I can't even imagine where I would be without you Boog, or what I would be doing with my life. My kids love you, , my family loves you, I fuckin' love you girl."

I nodded, believing every word that seeped through those lips I love to kiss. "And you know I love you too, but you can't tell me all of this and expect it to be enough for me to stay even though it ain't enough for you to stop disrespecting me?"

He frowned slightly, "nah baby, that ain't what I'm saying at all. I'm just tryna speak my heart to you. I ain't tryna lose you ma"

"Don't seem like you tryna keep me either Jedi"