Forgive Me Father- On Hiatus

Allow Me to Introduce Myself

"Justice," I heard my sister call out to me, but I didn't say anything just to get on her nerves. "Jus!"

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head at her yelling through the house like she was crazy. Our mama taught us better than the ratchet shit she sometimes portrayed but that didn't stop her from acting like she knew any better.

I couldn't really say much though, cause there were things I knew she wouldn't be proud of me doing.

Justice and Justynne Gonzalez born to Richard and Angela Gonzalez just one year apart with me being the oldest. I've always thought it was amazing for us to be carried by the same woman, born and raised by the same parents, live together all those years and yet we could be so different. She was more of the outgoing, love attention type while I could settle for just a few friends and being invisible to the rest of the world. She loved the idea of saving herself til marriage, while I..well, I have a three year old daughter so that should say enough. She preferred weed, while I preferred to drink. She's been in multiple relationships, while for the longest I was with my daughter's father. She has friend after friend, while I've had the same two, outside of her, since middle school.

But through it all, she was my sister and we loved each other through our differences.

"Okay bitch, I know you hear me. Fuck you at? Niecy pooh tell mama, fuck you a-"

"I wish you would Josie," I scolded while stepping out of the kitchen. "Make me hurt you Justynne"

I watched as she stuck her tongue out, stepping around me with my daughter in her arms.

My daughter, Josie Marie Jones, or Bugz as I called her, is the single most important reason of my being. She's my blessing, my miracle child and my heart. It was because of her I was back home, and able to push aside my ill feelings towards her dad. She had no part in our choices, and deserved to know who helped create her.

"You just gone pass me up Bugz? You don't love mama?"

My heart fluttered, watching her big doe eyes dart to mines with a smile as bright as day lighten the room. "Juice!"

"Yeah, auntie getting her baby some juice." She clapped, waiting patiently on the counter after she sat her down to retrieve the juice. "So, tonight-"

"Nope," I wasted no time in cutting her off, already knowing she was only trying to invite me out. "Don't look at me like that, no Nene. I'm not going out"

"Oh yes you are hussie! Ma and daddy already said they'd watch Bugz since ya'll are back in town soooo, get over it"

Bugz was now humming as she sipped from the juice carton she'd gotten from her auntie, oblivious to the conversation being held before her.

Innocence was something I wish I could have back.

"Nene, I haven't been out in over a year. I-"

"Chile please, that's why ya ass is coming with me. Now feed my niece, give her a nap and take her to the parentals so we can get ready."

"I guess me saying I'm not going out means nothing?"

"Nope, now chop chop booski"

Sighing, I watched her retreating figure before turning to face Bugz. "What we gone eat Bugz?"

"Shiken nuggets!"

I nodded, returning her smile. "Chicken nuggets it is..."

****

Bugz had only been gone an hour and half a bottle of the Crown Apple had been finished along with two blunts. Even though I didn't like to party, it didn't mean I didn't like to or know how to turn up. I could get lit just like the next person could, and could probably hold my liquor better than most. Now when you mix the two substances, I was sure to be live at this club she had dragged me to.