Numbing Waves

Your Name.

Your name leaves a taste in my mouth.
Such a sour taste, scathing every one of my taste buds one by one,
cutting the roof of my mouth each time I utter it.
It rings in my ears like a fire alarm,
Deafening me to whatever words come after it.
Cutting my throat from the inside out.
Spilling out every hateful word I wish I had spat on you.
You did not break my heart.
I could only wish you had done something so surface level.
You violated my soul and murdered it in cold blood.
You destroyed my hope.
You stared me in the eyes and ripped away the life support I clung onto.
My shaken hands could not even reach at you.
Not for help, not for vengeance.
Your throne stands on the highest mountain while I struggle to breathe below the ground.
You did not take everything from me.
You took anything from me.
Anything I've ever had, anything I could have ever been.
Absolutely anything that could have kept me afloat.
You sail the oceans that drown me on an unsinkable ship,
Stand on the tip of its nose in your captain's hat and crew on deck.
Their loyalty never faltering.
The icy water in my lungs drags me deep beneath the surface.
The last thing I see is you looking down on me.
Adding spiteful salt to the wound.
The waves pushing me down stop for just one second.
Just one second to whisper in my ear.
It lulls my fragile body softly in its weakening current,
Caresses my cheek gently,
Leans in and whispers,

"But I need you."