Secrets and Lies ||mildie/sillie||

Chapter 25

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. Sadie and Millie had spent the morning with Ava at the park and were now in Millie's room, relaxing on her bed, chatting about whatever randomness popped into their heads. They felt so normal and natural now, that Sadie finally felt at ease to ask a question that had been at the back of her mind for a while.

"What was it like?" she asked softly.

"What?" asked Millie, not sure what she was asking.

"Being pregnant...you don't have to answer me if you don't want to, I'll understand."

Millie was silent for a couple of minutes, making Sadie worry that it was too difficult a subject to discuss and was annoyed at her own insensitivity, but Millie eventually took a deep breath and broke the silence. "It was awful...and amazing, and terrifying...and exciting. I had a new person growing inside me..." she searched for the right words to use, never having discussed it in this way before. "When I was taken for the first scan I was still in hospital, I was so scared. Mum came with me, Finn too, the sonographer thought he was the dad and kept explaining everything to him, saying congratulations and all that, it was quite funny, his face was so red" she said smiling at the memory. "I got given a picture, I think I just stared at it all night. I had so many people telling me to get rid of it, it was like the first thing the doctor said when he told us I was pregnant 'we've run more blood tests, it seems your daughter is pregnant, we'll discuss termination when you're ready'" she said doing an impression of the doctor, "I stared at that picture all night, an innocent baby just growing, it wasn't their fault." Looking up at Sadie with a smile, she said "you should have seen their faces when I said I was keeping it, they kept telling mum to 'persuade' me."

"And she was ok with it?" Sadie asked, surprised.

"No, not really...she did sit me down for a chat, but she accepted my decision. She told me how difficult it would be, for us as a family, and I did feel selfish...but it was the right thing for me to do, mum knows that and agrees it was right now."

Sadie thought long and hard about asking the next question, "when you look at Ava..."

Millie looked her in the eye, anticipating the question she finished it off for her "...what do I see? Do I see him?" Sadie just nodded. "I don't see him, ever, and that's the truth. Ava's not his, she's mine...and mum's, and Finn's, and Gaten's, and Caleb's, and Noah's...and that's what I see when I look at her." Her eyes glistened and she continued, "but I know that one day, I will have to sit down this innocent child and shatter her world, it's the one thing that truly scares me and it's inevitable."

Sadie drew her into a gentle hug, "sorry, I should never have brought this up."

Millie pulled out of the hug and looked at her, "no, it's...actually been quite nice, no one's ever asked me about it like that before, thank you" she said, with a genuine smile. Then her eyes lit up slightly with an idea, "wait there" she ordered, jumping off the bed and going to the closet to rummage around for something. She emerged with what looked like a book and made her way back to Sadie. On closer inspection, she was holding a photo album, "here" she shyly said, hesitantly handing it over to Sadie.

Sadie opened it up at the beginning, there were pictures of Millie from when she was younger, but not too young, probably from four or five years ago. "Wow, you look so different with long hair" she said, looking up and comparing her to the photo, "but I prefer you now" she said with a wink, Millie responded with a cheesy grin. There were a few more pages like that, and the Sadie turned the page and gasped slightly, it was a picture of a pregnant Millie, goofing around with the guys, and she did look genuinely happy. On the next page was a very heavily pregnant Millie, given she was younger and slightly shorter she looked even bigger, she had a fed-up looking pout on her face. Sadie then burst out laughing, on the facing page was a similar shot but her top had been pulled over her bump and someone had drawn an enormous smiley face on it.

"Gaten" Millie stated, shaking her head slightly, "you should see the next page."

Sadie turned the page and it was filled with a sequence of pictures, clearly the guys had each had a turn at decorating the bump. Millie rolled her eyes and giggled, "I was so miserable that day, I was huge, and tired, and cranky...and this is what Gaten came up with to cheer me up."

"Did it work?"

"Hell yeah, it was hilarious...especially as I had my final scan later that day and realised the idiots had used permanent marker!" Sadie burst out laughing. "Yep, underage expectant mother goes for a scan, asked to lift her top for the sonographer and reveals that!" Millie managed through her laughs.

"What did they say?" Sadie asked, still giggling.

"The doctor looked really unimpressed, the sonographer looked like he wanted to laugh but didn't want to piss off the doctor...and mum just burst out laughing and couldn't stop through the whole appointment, every time she looked at it she laughed." Sadie looked admiringly at Millie who was still giggling at the memory, wow, what the fuck did I do to deserve her, she's so damned amazing.

They carried on through the album, Sadie cooing over the pictures of Ava as a baby. Millie had never had the chance to do this with anyone, show off pictures of her daughter, and it felt amazing to be able to share it with Sadie. She loved Ava with all her heart, and to be able to freely display her feelings to someone made her feel content for the first time in years.

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