"Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard."
The Scientist, Coldplay
****
Ace,
It's working. The lying, the hiding, the pretending. They think I'm getting better but I'm not. It's getting worse.
I never knew how much easier it was when people knew I wasn't okay. Even though they didn't acknowledge it or care, they knew. Now it's like everything is turned inward. All the grimances of pain and sad eyes and brokenness is eatting away at my thoughts.
It's not like I was really expressive before. I didn't show anything, I didn't let on how I was feeling. But I did. In the slightest of ways, I expressed myself. From the way I'd look down when I walk to the way I stared hollowly at random things.
I never noticed the small shardes of myself until I swept the thousand and one piece of my brokenness into a black hole of inner destruction. I never thought about my facial expression until I actually had to think about my facial expressions. I never knew how strong a mask had to be until I put one on permanently. Because a permanent mask has to be durable. You have to consider all aspects; all possibilities.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'd never known how much me was left in me until I ambolished it indeffiently. I've destroyed myself in hopes of being the somebody that I'm not even sure Alice needs. Not anymore. Maybe not ever.
-Daniel
YOU ARE READING
Hello, My Name Is Daniel
Teen FictionDaniel's mom sends him away to a boarding school she believes will help him. Or at least, that's what the doctor told her as she signed the papers after Alice, his sister, brought him to the hospital. Battling depression, faced with neglect, dealing...
