Wild Space

♥18♥

My whole world tumbled down. I felt myself crashing to the floor. I felt like the ceiling was kissing me as he embraced me in a breathtaking squeeze. My lungs felt like burning as if I was underwater. I felt like dying.

So many emotions conquered me in a victorious burst of laughter. I have no idea should I cry, be angry or... I don't know.

I looked at the letter again and the lettering started to enlarge and then blur out. All I saw was white on blue blurring. When my focus was once again back to normal, I could see the lettering again. "To my dearest daughter"

If it was from my mother then how can she even call me that? Didn't she leave me? What for? Where has all this gone wrong? I looked at the letter again and wondered if I should read it or not. The line in her beautiful petite handwriting urged me to continue reading.

"To my dearest daughter,"

With all the strength in my heart, I started to read...

Lilly, I know that you are going through a hard time right now. When it is your day to celebrate, you are inside your room, reading my letter... a letter from a mother that was never there in the first place for all these eighteen years of your life. I am sorry. I am sorry I was never there for you. I am sorry I didn't fulfill my duty as your mother. And I am sorry; the deadline provided for me was only until your eighteenth birthday. I tried to negotiate until your twenty-first birthday, but he didn't give me."

There is so much she is not saying here. There is so much that doesn't make any sense here. I just wish if I could tear through this letter and go through the lines to her and demand answers.

"Even if the circumstances were different... Evelyn should have taken good care of you. I made sure she did that."

Yea, right! I couldn't help but feel the tears fall from my eyes. Should I love her? Should I feel angry? What should I feel?

"Now, there are certain things that I need to tell you and I have to do it; unfortunately now. I can't delay it any longer. Since, if I do delay it, your life will be in danger. I shouldn't say any more to you because I know you must have gone through some drama.

It all begins with your father being in love with me. Sam! You father is indeed Sam and doesn't you dare hate that man because he is the sweetest soul you will ever get to see. And even if I wish to tell you something more on this matter; I can't. I will save that for later when I will meet you. Never fear, I have always watched you. You may not have seen me, but I have always seen you, dear.

I wish I can tell you all of it. But, I am restraining it since I can't afford to- the one who is behind me, see what I need to tell you.

Your mother was not the best housewife, darling. I wish you could see me laughing now at the irony. I have many secrets. I, from a very young age, got indulged with the bad side of society, honey. But, they took good care of me; better than what my foster parents ever did. Evelyn was always the nice girl. And she got adopted in the earlier age. I was left behind. I ran away from the orphanage. Got caught, and then was sent to foster care and let me tell you one thing; sometimes foster parents are not all shiny and good. They used me in ways you can never believe. I wish I can tell you something now, but I can't. I have to remind you there is a lot I am hiding for the fear of your safety. If I tell you; your life will be in danger. So, I ran away from the foster care and was sleeping on the dark side when Peter found me. I joined his little gang and let me tell you... I found happiness.

In pursuit of happiness, he made me his first in hand. You see, he was a middleman for a big mafia gang and I... had to join them. I didn't know he was this big and this bad. Since they treated me well, I didn't complain. Later, Peter became the mafia leader and do I have to tell you what I became?