Can't sleep, Love~ [Tord X Reader Lemon]

Dark Thoughts.

8:30 am

//Your POV

You wake up to the sounds of birds chirping and you yawn, stretching your arms. You get up and decide to have breakfast. You stumble out of bed, walking down the stairs. You find a cereal box and pour it into the bowl, adding milk and a spoon. You put it on the kitchen island, sat down and scrolled through (instagram/snapchat/tumblr) You then hear a knock on the door. You look up from your phone. "Come in." You say yawning. Tord steps in the room. He glares at you, flashing a small smile. "Hello, my beautiful." He said walking behind you and hugging your waist tightly. "i-IM eatiNg." You say, trying to release the grip. He holds you tighter and "MMMMMMMmmMM!" You yell with a spoonful in your mouth, trying to pry him off. You swallow and bite his finger. He lets go, snatching his finger back making. "Ouch." He said sucking his finger. "What are you doing here?" You ask curiously. Tord's eyes went blank. You turn around, snapping your fingers in his face. He snaps out of it. "Hey, are you okay?" You ask carefully. "Y-Yes, I am fine." He replied. He took a deep breath. You give him a frown. "You're not fine, poor baby." You say sympathetically. You turned around hugging him, smashing your cheeks into his chest. "I just have a lot of catching up to do.." He said sighing. You continued to squeeze him. "Listen.." Tord said calmly. "There is something very important you need to know about me.." Tord explained. You loosened your grip on him. "I am the Leader of The Red Army.." He said quickly. "Listen before you say anything-" He tried to explain but you cut him off. "No duh." You say sarcastically. He gave you a shocked look. "You really knew?" He asked. "This whole time?" He asked again. He started to sweat. You nod in agreement with him. "I never even told you about what happened with Tom, Matt and Ed-" He then held his mouth with his hand. "Well, when I was in your house, I saw commie shit almost everywhere, I also saw the hat, andddd the signs." You explain. "And you never told me?" He asked. I didn't think she was that smart, or just not care, Tord thought to himself. You then release your grip on him. "That's because I don't care." You explained. "What do you mean you don't care.." He asked solemnly. "I mean like I liked you, okay?" You explain. You didn't like feelings. You've seen everything, you go out a a lot so of course you do.  You saw people love too young, and you saw men who didn't care about anything but sex and drugs, and same for woman. Sharing feelings wasn't your time, you feel like you scare everyone away because nowadays everyone says feelings are "gay". You roll your eyes. "You mean you only.. liked me?" He asked with a sad voice. "Listen, I do not like sharing my feelings, but no, I love you, Tord." You explain turning back around to eat your cereal. You then yawn, finishing your cereal and put it in the sink. "I love you too, y/n." He says slowly. He hugs your waist once more and kissed your head. You stood straight up, blushing light pink.

Tord's POV

I CANT LEAVE HER YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THIS

My thoughts were screaming at me. Arguing back and forth.
You can't leave her.
But you must, it's not a choice.
It's my life, of course it is.

I took my hands off y/n's waist and buried my face in them. "AAAAAAAGGHHH.". I scream.
Thoughts raced in my mind, screaming at one another. I get on my knees slowly, hitting the wall. "nononONONONO" I said to myself. My head ached, It screamed at me. I was breathing heavy.
Against my will, choices had to be made.

Flashbacks.

You remember life as the Red Army leader.
Painful, emotionally and physically.
You enjoyed it, guns wasn't a job more like a hobby. Working as Red Army leader wasn't like a job. They say when you work as something you love, it's like you never work a day in your life. I always loved being leader, meeting so many people who viewed the world just as crazy I do. But yet the job had bad things about it as well. The job, made me lose all my friends. Not even my friends, my best friends. Yes, I do recall saying I don't need best friends. Everyone needs best friends. It's like the family you choose. Matt, Edd, and Jehovah's Witness, I mean Tom we're my best friends. I don't usually say these things, thinking it was much easier because you don't have to see reactions and from them. So I just stay emotionless. I see why y/n feels the way she does.