Caroline

Chapter 13

Caroline pulled her car into the parking lot of a small motel located just outside of town. She couldn't imagine Derek choosing to stay in such a place. Many people, she knew, would find it charming, backing up as it did to a rushing mountain stream. But there was nothing new or modern about it; it sported no fitness center, valet parking, or even a swimming pool. She could have convinced herself that he was long gone, except for their brief conversation on the phone earlier, and the very real presence of his silver Mercedes outside the room number he had given her. She parked her car beside his and switched off the engine, but wasn't quite ready to take the next step. Instead, she thought of her ridiculous behavior the evening before.

She hoped Hermit was right... that this action, as painful as it was at that moment, would help her to regain the sense of self that she had lost. She had spent the past few months attending to important matters: her father's funeral and burial, preparing the Charlotte house for sale, aquainting herself more fully with the ramifications of her inheritance. Taking care of her emotional needs had fallen so far down on her list as to be nonexistent. But now, there was nothing else demanding her attention. Derek was ready and available to discuss what had happened and where they would go from here. All she had to do was get out of the car and knock on his door.

She wanted to be somewhere else, almost anywhere else. Derek had seemed to think that he had some kind of get-out-of-jail-free card. For all she knew, he did. He had always been very persuasive, and she had always been susceptible to his brand of persuasion. Feeling a bit panicky, she forced herself to take ten slow, deep breaths, and then ten more to stall. Finally, she gave herself a firm internal nudge, and got out of the car.

She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but the sight that greeted her when Derek opened the door was not it. The first thing she noticed was that he had not shaven that day. Also, though his clothes were still new and expensive-looking, they were rumpled, as though he had rolled them up in a ball before getting dressed. His button-down shirt was untucked and only partially buttoned. His hair was mussed. His feet were bare. And, Lord help her, he looked good enough to eat.

His eyes washed over her with an expression she had never seen from him before, and wasn't sure she could name. But it made her feel... desired... needed... for reasons that went beyond sexual gratification. He took one step toward her, then stopped himself. Seeming unsure, he asked, "Will you come in?"

She nodded, and stepped inside as he stepped back. The room was small, with a single bed that was partially unmade. The curtains were drawn, the only illumination coming from a bedside lamp. A single chair sat beside a small round table, upon which was a pizza box. She started for the chair, but stopped when Derek touched her arm.

"You don't want to sit there," he said, nodding at the chair. "It has a suspicious looking stain that, frankly, I'm fine with keeping a mystery. We can sit on the bed. I promise I'll behave myself. Or we could go somewhere else, if you'd rather."

Wanting to get through this as quickly as possible, Caroline sat on the edge of the bed, keeping her feet planted on the floor. "This is quite a departure for you," she said, indicating the room in general.

He sat beside her, leaving a respectful distance between them. "I was lucky to get this. Manager said he had a cancellation just before I showed up."

She shook her head slowly. "But why? I couldn't get you to stay in a perfectly nice cabin before."

Again, he gave her that look. "I would have stayed under a rock if it meant I could see you again."

She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. "Derek..."

"Wait," he interrupted her anxiously. "Please let me speak before you pass any final judgement on me."

She held her tongue and looked at him expectantly.

"Can I just... hold your hand... for a while?"

For a moment, she almost refused, but then offered her hand to him. He clasped it in both of his, then brought it to his heart.

"There is no question that I fucked this up. You had every right to walk out on me. I was upset when you left, but, idiot that I was, I figured you'd be back. The day I came home and found your ring on the table... I was scared shitless. It was the first time it had ever occurred to my ass-hole self that you could really leave me. I've had the time to look at myself inside and out, and you deserve so much better than what I've been. I need to be completely honest with you..."

Caroline shook her head. "I don't need every sordid..."

"What I have to say, you do need to hear. You need to know. And I need to prove to you that I can be the kind of man you deserve."

Confused, and more than a bit worried, she nodded once. "All right."

Derek raised her hand to his lips and lightly kissed one knuckle.

"Thank you." Lowering their hands down to the top of one thigh, he continued. "This goes back to the day your mother died. Your father went to a lot of trouble to spare you from any more grief than you were already suffering. One of the things he kept from you was that your mother had been drinking."

"OK, stop right there. I know this is a bunch of crap because Mamma didn't drink!" She angrily tried to take her hand away, but he held on firmly.

"That's right, she didn't. So she had to have a compelling reason to do it that day."

"Yeah, and what was that?" Caroline nearly hissed.

He drew in both lips, then released them again. "Because," he said cautiously, "she had learned earlier that day that your father had had an affair."

Now she was livid. How dare he spout such filthy lies about the only truly good man she had ever known? Before she could sputter out a single word, Derek continued.

"He was trying, in his own way, to save you from any more grief. That's why you didn't know."

"And how is it that you think you know anything about it?" she spat at him.

"Because, Cara, the other casualty that day, the driver of the other car that your mom hit when she crossed that line... was my father."