Caroline

Chapter 28

"We don't have a song."

"What?" she asked.

"We never picked 'our song'. The one we were supposed to dance to at our wedding."

"Oh."

They were still holding each other, swaying to a silent melody.

"Do you remember our first dance?"

Of course she remembered. It was at the party where they had met, near the end of the night, when the more sedate party-goers had wandered outside to sit by the fire pit. She had been staring into the flames, only half listening to the conversation going on around her, when someone had taken her hand and pulled her to a standing position. Her breath had stilled when she'd realized that Derek had sought her out again.

"Dance with me," he'd said. It hadn't been a question, but neither had it been a command. It hadn't mattered, as the word "no" hadn't existed for her at that moment. He'd pulled her away from the others, and had taken her into his arms and swayed with her, very much as they were currently doing . Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" could just be heard, playing inside.

Softly, Derek hummed the tune into her ear as they danced together in the foyer. She felt the sting of tears suddenly, demanding to be let free. The memory of that dance had been one of her most treasured, and she had had to suppress it, along with every other thought that reminded her of why she had fallen in love with him. Now, with this small gesture, they all came flooding back.

Feeling the change in her, he pulled back slightly to look at her face.

"Cara? What's wrong?"

Her throat felt too tight to say anything, so she just shook her head. He stopped their slow dance and lifted her chin. "Look at me, Baby."

She opened her eyes to see his face, blurred by her tears. For a moment, he said nothing, just continued to look at her. Then, with an unmistakable note of hope in his voice, whispered "You miss me, too?"

"I miss this," she whispered back. And she did. She missed the feeling of being enfolded, safe and loved in his arms. She missed the certainty that no one knew or understood her better than he did, of knowing that her place would always be with him.... of believing that there was nowhere else she wanted to be.

It was then that he kissed her. She didn't pull away. Her heart was desperately trying to grasp at what had been lost as she returned his kiss, encouraging him to deepen it until it became achingly passionate.

Only...

That wasn't what she felt.

She enjoyed being held and caressed. The feeling of his lips and tongue playing against hers did make her heart beat faster. But she realized that it didn't consume her as completely as kissing him once had, and that, whenever she wanted, she could pull away. The revelation both surprised and comforted her. She continued kissing him, because she could. Then gradually, she brought the intensity of it down until she finally, gently, pulled away. Because she could.

"Are you ready for some lunch?" Her voice was soft, but otherwise unaffected.

He stared at her, his expression conveying curiosity and..... wonder. He'd felt the difference. But was he aware of what it meant?

"Yeah," he whispered, as if unable to find his voice.

She smiled as she released him, then picked up the flowers from the table and carried them into the kitchen. She was already propping them up in the sink by the time he followed her in.

"I pulled what I thought looked good from the fridge. Go ahead and throw together whatever you want. I want to trim the ends and get these into some water before they wilt."