Caroline

Chapter 16

Caroline walked to the driver's door of her car before Derek had closed the room door. A security light allowed her to see his expression as he stood there, but she was unsure of what it conveyed. Disappointment, probably, but there was something else... anger perhaps, or could it be... sadness? In his hesitation, he glanced quickly from one car to the other, then, with a shake of his head, walked to his own. Relieved, she released a long breath, switched on the ignition, and backed out of the parking spot.

As she waited for him to pull out behind her, it occurred to her that she could just leave. She could easily lose him on the tight mountain roads. But where would she go? He had already proven that he could find her cabin. What would be the point of running away if he would be there, just waiting for her return?

Everything in her stilled as she realized what she had been thinking: running away. She had been running away... from Derek, from Charlotte, but most of all, from the feelings that she had buried down in the darkest parts of herself. She had convinced herself that it was better to be numb than to face all the crap she had been dealt. Now she knew that it had only been the tip of a crap-filled iceberg.

Slowly, she drove onto the two-lane road that led into town, checking her mirror once to be sure he was following her. The drive to the Dogwood was a short one, but the rapid pace of her thoughts made it feel much longer.

When had she turned into such a coward? She had always thought of herself as being rather thick-skinned, able to handle whatever life could put in front of her. Instead, everything she had faced in her life, including the death of her mother, had been buffered in some way by her father. The memories of so many events in her life were now viewed from a different perspective. The day her mother had taken that fateful drive... wasn't it her father who'd given her the invitation from Emily to join her family at the lake? Had he arranged the whole outing so she wouldn't have to witness her parents' pain and anger that day? And if he could have foreseen how her world would begin to crash down around her on the very day of his death, would he have done anything differently? She did believe that his choices had been made with love for her in mind. But did he really not understand what the aftermath of those choices would be?

The "Open" sign at the Dogwood Cafe was still turned outward and the lights were still on inside. She drove past the building it occupied to find two parking spaces near each other. As she sat waiting for Derek to take the second spot, she resolved to herself that she would show her father, herself, everyone, that she could handle this, and would handle it with the grace and dignity that her southern-reared mother had instilled in her. Then, with a single, firm nod to herself, she opened her door and stepped out.

As he had always done before, Derek placed a hand at the small of her back as they walked. Once, it had been reassuring, his silent communication that he was there and she was safe. Now she felt as though, all along, he had been using it to guide her to the direction of his choosing; to ensure his control over what she was allowed to see or know. The thought caused her back to stiffen.

"Are you cold?" he asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders just as they reached the restaurant door. Wanting to wait until they were seated to begin talking, she just looked to the ground and allowed him to direct her inside. After a couple of steps in, he stopped, then leaned to press his lips to her ear.

"I guess it's obvious that I'm not a local?"

Curious, she looked up to see at least a dozen sets of eyes looking back, all conveying varying levels of disapproval. Startled, she whispered back, "I don't know... I've never had this happen to me before."

A motherly-looking woman walked toward them and grabbed two menus from the counter. "Hey, hon. Y'all want a booth or a table?" A plastic pin on her shirt read "Janice," and her gaze was firmly on Caroline.