Collapsing As It Sees The Pain (Percy Jackson)

If Only

Percy:

It was my first back to New York after six months. I was looking forward to this. To going back to camp. Seeing my friends, and having fun for another summer.

And for those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I was abused a child. And this caused some pretty shitty depression at a young age. It didn't help that I didn't have any friends.

But I came here, and friends happened and the depression went away. It might pop up, but that was more so grief. I haven't thought about suicide since I was 14. That's a really long time.

Well, okay, I did once in Tartarus but that wasn't killing myself, that was just giving up. So it doesn't count, okay?

I won't lie. I have a journal I'm supposed to write with every time I have depressive thoughts. I still have it. Just in case, you know?

I made the mistake of leaving it in Nico's cabin, apparently.

Nico:

I was relaxing in my cabin after Percy had left. Realizing he forgot a book, I naturally decided to read it.

August 23, 2005

So I guess I'm supposed to write stuff down in here? Like when I'm depressed, right? So I guess this notebook will be my best friend.

Before school: I could sleep again, and just... It's annoying. Gabe is being a jerk and he's in a mood today. It doesn't help that I start school today and nobody will like me.

School:
    •First hour nothing happened
    •Second hour a girl talked to me and she was really annoying. Her name was Nancy
    •Third hour some dudes beat me up. I cried. They did it more. They're at the office. I'm at the nurse.
    •Fourth hour my roommate showed up and brought me to our dorm. He's really nice. His name is Grover and I think he's going to be my friend.

After: those kids showed up again and beat me up even more. I took some painkillers, but I might've taken one too many.

Night: Grover is really nice. So now I have to hide everything.

Now this was the basic rundown for a lot of the pages, but the kids treated him worse and worse and he got closer and closer to Grover and then it struck me.

This was an old diary of Percy's.

So uh, it got worse.

June 17, 2006

So I'm still at this camp place and I guess my dad is Poseidon? I don't know, it's really lonely. I miss Cabin 12. But I miss a lot of things.

Like my mom. And my sanity. And my happiness. So...

Last night I tried killing himself.

It didn't work out like I wanted.

Going through, I started to cry as I was this. But the last entry was 2007. If he just got a new notebook or he got better, it was beyond me.

But either way, this thing existed and it meant bad things. Some good, but mostly bad things. And there was something that stuck out like a sore thumb and I didn't even want to think about it.

Percy could be depressed— hell, he could be suicidal right now. And none of us would know because I'm pretty dam sure that nobody seemed to care to notice before.

Rushing out of my cabin, I tracked down Percy as he was walking around with Leo, Jason, Piper, Hazel, and Frank. And honestly, he looked decently happy. Like he was having a good time.