Collapsing As It Sees The Pain (Percy Jackson)

If I Had Known

Gabe:

It was another two hours before Percy woke up. And me being the first person he saw didn't make him very happy.

Because you could see that he was a little worried and excited and scared that maybe it was his mom or Paul or Nico. Or hell, his dad. Assuming he even knows the guy.

But instead, I came in. And he managed to both let his guard down and turn it all the way up. How, I don't know.

There was one thing I did notice, however. I know Percy. It's not hard to pick at his emotions. Most of the time, that is. He seemed ashamed of himself. Acting like he was guilty. He felt bad. Or maybe he was embarrassed because he got stuck with me.

Either way, he wasn't feeling anything real positive. And he was keeping up the whole not talking thing.

"Hey," I said, closing the door behind me. It was silent aside the fee machines and heart monitor that was on right now. "How are you feeling?"

Silence.

So my mind jumped to that he was still afraid of me. That he felt he couldn't be honest because I'd do something to him. I also forgot that he flipped me earlier today. Literally.

"Percy, I'm here as your doctor." I calmly let him know. He was sitting up at the moment. Hugging a pillow as he had another behind his back. "Okay? Before your parents or anyone is even allowed in this room, you have to have a conversation with me which will last, at most, 30 minutes. I just need to know how you're doing so we can figure out if you're going home today or not or when you are."

He actually looked at me, which was a change for today. And compared to how he looked earlier today; fierce, happy, and unstoppable it was... It was the polar opposite. All life in him was gone. Any signs of hope had left. He was barely hanging on, and it was only because he had a friend who cared enough to call in to get help.

"So hi," I repeated. "Percy. How are you feeling?"

"I'm here because I tried to kill myself." Percy snapped at me in a cold sorted attitude. "I feel like shit, Gabe. Just like I have the last 17 years of my life. You really think it's gotten better?"

At first, I almost responded. But I knew what to and what not to say to him. I knew how to keep my mouth shut.

"I'm sorry, I'm required to ask." I insisted, trying to calm down his anger. "There's a list, okay?"

"Mhm."

So I started.

"Have you ever gone to therapy?"

"You know we can't afford it."

"Have you ever thought about going to therapy?"

"I went to a mock session with a friend in college who was training," Percy assured me. "I hated it."

"How are you doing with school?"

"I graduated with all D's and two C's."

"Are you planning on going to college?"

"Not... Why does it matter?"

I sighed. He was going to be stubborn, I knew that. I also knew that he won't want to do anything to help himself. He's selfless. Too selfless.

"Financial workings," I explained to him. "You'll be 18 in a few months. It's just stuff for that. So are you?"

"No."

He sounded embarrassed.

There was a dozen or so more questions until we got to the awkward one. Mainly because I talk to his family and he knows that. And I'm his ex-stepdad. It makes it awkward.