Cold Feet (COMPLETED)

Striped Carnation

Hello beshies! I'm in a goood moooood because it's the weekend tomorrow and I will be resting all of next week. More time to write and relax, so looking forward to it :)

I have a question to you all. Have you ever been in a situation where you were faced with a make or break decision? The kind of decision that  was capable of hurting, or breaking hearts either way you decide? How do you make that decision?

When my then boyfriend and I decided to get married years ago, my mom made no secret she was against it. She felt at 22, I was too young, and I have been with my boyfriend for only three months. Not a typo, yes, three months, and it wasn't because I was preggers, we just knew we were meant to be.

I was faced with either breaking my mom's heart or breaking my boyfriend's heart. In the end, I appealed to her and asked that we be married with her blessing, without resorting to eloping, because I wanted to be married the right way. And the rest is history, my mom learned to love my hubby like her own son too.

Read on to find out who will need to make a heartbreaking decision, and let me know if you agree.  Hope I did justice to this chapter, a very difficult one to write.  Enjoy, beshies :)

Marian stared at her cousin Jenna, unable to move. She was scared to go out and see them, scared to hope for something unreachable, when hope already died within her so many years ago.

"Aren't you going out to meet them?"

"Jenna.....what did they say? What did Tito Archie want?"

"He just told me to call you. He said he and his guests want to talk to you."

"Where are they waiting?"

"In the reception area."

"Can.....can you guess the age.....of the girl? How young is she?"

"Uhh.....in her twenties?"

She panicked. Could it be possible? There were times when out of the blue, she would suddenly think, what if her parents lied and kept her baby from her? She never even had a chance to see her baby's body, nor give it a decent burial. Her parents advised her to keep everything quiet to avoid a scandal. Not seeing her baby's body made it harder for her to believe the baby died.

She took a quick visit to the bathroom and tried to fix herself up, tidying her hair and straightening her shirt, which had an egg yolk stain near the neckline when she hugged Pio. She spritzed some cologne and washed her hands and face. She laughed inwardly at herself, for thinking about something as inane as how she looked. Reluctantly, she stepped out, hoping that whoever was out there wouldn't judge her based on how she looked.

The young girl's back was turned, her hair long and wavy. She was looking out the window, and a young man had his arm around her, gently caressing her back. The young man reminded her of Teddy, and how he took good care of her back then. Atty. Archie stepped forward and greeted her.

"Marian, hi....Sorry to come by without calling first...."

The young girl turned, and Marian's breath caught in her throat. It was like looking at a mirror into the past, when she was much younger. The young girl had her father's doe eyes, but had Marian's lips, the shape of her face, the same cleft chin. She was clutching the pendant of her necklace, the necklace Marian saved months on end for, as a gift for her baby, and it was surreal now to see her daughter wearing it, looking at her with scared doe eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Dei looked at the graceful woman in front of her, taller with hair cut short, her work clothes stained from being around children, and her heart constricted. She imagined all the breakfasts she missed, the hugs and kisses before sleeping at night, the cuddles on rainy days, the stories her mother probably read to them at night.

She clutched the pendant, welcoming the blunt edge digging into her hand, as she just stood there, staring at her beautiful mother, whose eyes crinkled wonderfully as she smiled through her tears.

"Mama?"

The sweetest voice uttered that one endearment she so longed to hear. In a few strides, Marian engulfed Dei in her arms, cradling her head in the crook of her shoulder, as Dei sobbed uncontrollably. Marian bit her fist to keep from crying out loud, feeling the pain of her parents' betrayal. The old wounds seem to bleed again, as she counted the years she missed while her daughter grew up without her, imagining someone else hugging her baby, kissing and cuddling her through all those years she was grieving for a baby who was alive after all.

She cupped her daughter's face and lovingly wiped away her tears, kissing the heart-shaped face over and over, hugging her tightly, their bodies slightly rocking. She was her perfect little girl, looking so beautiful now, and it was amazing how they both seemed to know each other, unhindered by the years of being apart.

"Mama.....I love you....." Dei whispered brokenly, her arms wrapped around her mother's waist.

"I love you too, baby...."

Richard and Atty Archie, tactfully went outside to leave the two women to get to know each other.

-----

When their sobs have died down, Marian ran her hand over Dei's hair, then cupped her chin.

"I don't even know you name...." She said, her voice breaking.

"My name is Andrea.....but call me Dei....mama."

"Dei.....it suits you. Are you hungry?"

"Yes," Dei replied even though she had already eaten. She was hungry for her mama's pampering, and knew her mother craved to do something for her, even something as mundane as cooking breakfast.

"Come.....I have food in the kitchen. Let's eat together."

In between bites of their breakfast, they pieced together their story, each contributing a fragment here and there. Dei found out her mother would have been a lawyer if not for being pregnant, and Marian learned how Dei was raised by her father and his wife.

"I'm sorry you weren't able to pursue your dream job, mama."

"It's not your fault, sweetie.....I am happy where I am now."

Dei brought with her a photo album that contained her pictures since she was a baby. Her mother cried through the series of pictures that showed her growing up, her fingers caressing the glossy photos, marveling at how pretty her child was since she was a baby.

"Mama.....have you forgiven Papa? For keeping his family a secret from you?"

"Dei, your papa has been nothing but good to me. It's true, he broke my heart when I found out about his family. But he also made me happy. Those were the happiest days in my life, even if it ended sadly. But look at me, I survived, didn't I?"

Dei looked around, noting the simple surroundings her mom had to live with, stretching whatever inheritance she had to make do for all the children she took care of. Once an heiress, she was now an earth mother, a nurturer of children needing care. But she wanted to take care of her mama too. She wanted her mother to feel a daughter's love, to give her comfort and build happy memories with her.

"Mama......would you....."

"Yes?"

"Would you consider living with us? In Manila?"

Her mother was silent, thinking about what she said. She looked out the window, at the children working on her garden, some of whom have lived with her for more than ten years. She looked at Dei, her biological daughter, her own flesh and blood. This was the daughter she always cried over, the baby she never nursed or cradled in her arms. And now she was here. In the flesh, asking to come away with her to Manila.

She looked at her daughter with all the pent-up longing in her heart, a lump in her throat forming. This was the most difficult decision she would ever make, one that she had to be sure of. She reached for Dei's hand and held on to it with both of hers.

"I'm sorry Dei.......I can't."