E I G H T E E N

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A/n shits gonna get heavy for two chapters (this chapter & next & then 20 will be happier also not sure what to do after i give Yuuri his memory back so ill probably end it after that but nO SPOILERS OF WHEN THATS GONNA HAPPEN MWAHAHAHA)

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Yuuri Katsuki

I feel scared... So scared and worried... Ever since my mom told me about the accident i had on the ice and how it made me lose my memory.... What if... What if i never get any of my past memories back? what if i stay forever clueless about a lot of things and people and things about myself? what if i lose my memory again but for good this time? what if one day i relapse and forget every one? What if the ice hurts me again?

"Yuuri, open up!", Viktor calls from outside my door but i dont answers as his voice gets drowned out by all these feelings im feeling and these fears i have and these voices in my head and these vivid images and videos in my head i cant explain... Yet... They're so blurry... so many things..... All.... ....Just..... So ....... Blurry..... I dont know how to explain any of this!

im so scared of the ice... I... I cant do this... "I-i cant...", i whisper just as Viktor opens my door, then closing it behind him as he see's me curled into a ball in my bed and he looks so concerned. "Yuuri, whats wrong?", he rubs my back and i start to sob uncontrollably while having a mental breakdown. "I-i dont w-want to b-be a p-professional s-sk-skater... I-i c-c-cant...", i manage to choke out through my broken sobs as i continue to cry harder with Viktor rubbing my back for comfort.

"Shhh...Shh.. its ok, Yuuri..", he rubs my back and i start to cry even harder.

Failure

Loser

Weak

Lame

Stupid

Worthless

You are nothing.

The voices whisper things to me that i already know are true, causing me to cry even harder to the point i dont even notice that i start to drift asleep, feeling tired after all the crying ive done.

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