Every child in the world was probably having the best summer. They probably all were going to the park, or getting ice cream, maybe even going to exotic countries. And what was I doing? I was getting minimum wage to stand outside of Office Max in a sweaty calculator costume. Typical.
There I stood, moping about how pitiful my life was. At the times when people I knew would walk by, I would try to blend in with my surroundings. It was usually...well always unsuccessful, considering I was a giant hulking black calculator right next to the entrance to the store. One time, the popular group, Sally, Martha, and Deidra were on their way into Office Max. I decided I didn't want to spend my freshman year with the title of "Calculator Girl," so I tried to hide in the bathroom. Of course, all three of them come in, and start to scream "Chelsea's been eaten by a giant calculator!" Well, lets just say they aren't the sharpest pencil in the case. On the bright side, they got my name right. That’s definitely a plus!
One day, I was minding my own business, just standing in front of the store smiling like I was supposed to, when a girl around the age of 10 walked by. She had her red hair up in pigtails, and the gleam in her eye told me she was looking for mischief right from the start. At the time, I decided not making eye contact and standing completely still were my best options. My teacher told me to do that in the case of a dog attack, but I thought it might work for a 10 year old attack as well. Evidentially not.
"Hey, I LOVE your costume!" Said the little girl. "Where did you buy it, on www.im-a-nerd.com?" "Umm. No. My boss got it on e-bay for five bucks." I replied, not able to think up a better response at the moment. "What kind of loser wears a calculator costume in a 110 degrees? Plus, you probably only make minimum wage, so it isn't even worth you looking so ridiculous!" she snarled, her hands on her hips defiantly.
Normally, I wouldn't have cared what some little girl said about me, but this case was different. I had spent weeks and weeks of my summer doing this stupid job, wearing this stupid calculator costume, and getting a pathetic salary for all my hard work. Even though I didn't love this job, I wasn't going to let some 10 your old tell me I was a loser because I had numbers and the addition sign where my shirt should be. This costume was my summer home, and I wasn't going to let some kid trash my living room and pee in the pool.
In the end, I ended up chasing her through every aisle in Office Max. Let me tell you; that was a work out! The little girl ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, which was a huge advantage to her considering I could hardly run in my costume at all and ended up getting stuck in aisle three. In aisle 4, there were two elderly women whom I accidentally knocked over. As I ran in pursuit of the child, I could see the two old ladies shaking their fists at me and croaking words that must have been curse words in their time, which was probably 800 years ago determining by their wrinkles. I kept running, even though the costume was chafing my legs. I thought I heard the child LAUGH at me because I was falling behind, which made me completely filled with rage. I picked up a box of colored folders that were conveniently right in front of me on aisle 5. I threw it at the little girl’s head with all my might, but I missed her and all the folders went flying in a rainbow colored mess.
I ran into a young woman's shopping cart and decided to take it for a ride. I hopped on the cart, dashing through the aisles so fast everything was a blur. I think I was chanting or something by this time because I was so caught up in the moment. I rode the shopping cart full speed to the front of the store, seeing the little girl speeding toward the exit. People were screaming and dodging my cart, the woman whose cart I stole was running after me screaming something about her purse. I was just about to reach the little girl when those two old ladies walked defiantly right in front of my cart. Now, I could have run them over with my cart, and probably gotten the little girl, but I didn't. I made the cart jerk to a stop, and watched as the girl ran out of the store screaming something about an evil calculator. The two old ladies smirked, and the one on the left said to me, "Hasn't anyone ever told you to respect your elders?"
Well, if you haven't guessed, I ended up getting fired, but not before having to clean up the whole store single handedly. My fat, old boss decided it was a good idea to hire the two old ladies, whose names I now know are Martha and Betty, to keep me "on track." Basically, for the three weeks to follow, I was Martha and Betty's slave, and had to do everything exactly how they told me to. "You have to mop clockwise Calculator Girl!" Martha would chastise or "You must stack the books by size and color Calculator Girl!," Betty would proclaim. I had told them everyday the first week to call me Chelsea or Chels, but they were set on calling me "Calculator girl." I even said they could call me John or Bob if they liked, but no I remained "Calculator Girl" to them.
Looking back on this summer, I realize it's changed me. I'm basically a new person. Betty and Martha have taught me a lot about life. From etiquette to respect, they've taught it all. They've even explained to me how they really aren't (to my shock) 800 years old. In three weeks, I've got all the wisdom of two elderly women up my sleeve. I think the most important thing of all they taught me was "Keep your mouth shut!" Or maybe the most important was "Just because you looked dumb in that costume, does not mean you had to act that dumb!" Either way, sometimes all you need in life is for someone to grab you by the hand, and lead you in the right direction. Or in my case, stop your cart and force you in the right direction. Either way, this summer has been one I'll never forget. Thank you Martha, Betty, little red head girl, and the calculator costume that started it all.
