Chapter 54

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I checked my phone when I got out of class, and I saw that I had five missed calls from Xiumin, but no voicemails. I called him, and he picked up almost right away. "Can you come over?" He asked in Korean.

"Yes," I said. "Now?"

"Yeah. You know where I live? Oh....wait I guess you would."

"I'll be there in 20 minutes," I told him.

I got to his door and knocked. He opened it, and smiled. "Are we speaking Korean today?" He asked when I walked in.

"Always," I answered. "What's up?"

"I wanted to see you," Xiumin said with a smile. "Want a burrito? I just figured out how to make a really good one."

I exhaled.

"What?"

"I want a burrito," I said. He thought it would be my first burrito of his. It wasn't.

"How are you?" Xiumin asked, looking at me. He gave me the up-down, but then stared at me. "Are you well?"

"Yes," I said.

"You need a burrito," he said, rushing to the kitchen.

"Have you gained weight?" I asked him.

Xiumin looked at me from the kitchen. "I thought I was, then I lost it. Oops."

"Minseok," I said, walking to the nook.

"Wait here, I found something." He ran to his bedroom, and came back out with a notebook. "I wrote about you." He handed it to me.

"I can read this?" I asked.

"If you can read Korean!" He exclaimed. "I think you should read it."

"I can read Korean well," I said, taking the journal from him. He leaned over my shoulder and pointed to the first page, as if I needed to read that entry especially.

"I met a girl tonight and I have to write about it.

Jo's younger sister is in Korea for the wedding. I got to meet her tonight. She's really really pretty, but kind of mean. She threw the sandwich I made for her on the floor but I don't think she's healthy. Kind of like me. So I'm not mad at her. I think she's a lot younger than me, maybe still in high school. But there's something about her and I hope I see her soon."

I looked at him when I finished.

He turned the pages. "I like this one a lot." He pointed.

"I write in Korean because Aubree doesn't know it and she doesn't know what I'm writing. I could easily write in English if I wanted to. Aubree lives with me now.

She scared me earlier because she hadn't eaten all day. She agreed to go to dinner with me and I felt better. I don't eat much anymore and I don't want her to notice. I don't want her to worry and at least one of us has to be okay.

Sometimes I catch Aubree staring at me and it makes me feel some kind of way. I guess we're even because I stare at her a lot. She's gaining weight and I don't think she likes it but I think she looks beautiful. I want to marry her someday when we're both okay and she's gotten settled into Korea."

I looked at the date. It was before I noticed he was even losing weight.

"What's wrong?" Xiumin asked me.

"Do you remember anything else?" I asked him.

"No," he said. "I'm glad I wrote this though. I like reading about you. And learning about us."

I didn't say anything. I just stared at the burrito.

"What's wrong?"

"Gosh," I said, collecting my thoughts in Korean. "Don't you see? I triggered you, Minseok. You were doing fine before I came along. The more time we were together, you got worse. I'm not helping you now, I'm just making it worse." I got up, but Xiumin grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

"Aubree," he said. "That's not true."

"You don't remember!" I shouted, ripping my wrist free from his grasp. "How can you stand there telling me that?! Don't lie to me!"

Xiumin was speechless, so I walked out.  

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