Nightsong

Dry thoughts

They saw her as the angel who loved him with everything she had, and him as the devil he was, who hurt her every time.

They said she would do anything for the ones she loved. She had a heart of gold, they said. Sweet Bonnie, who couldn't hurt a fly, even to save herself.

He had held her so tight, after feeding her with his own blood to save her life. He had felt soproud, so happy, to be the one to hold her. He had been so drunk on happiness, on the feel of her body, in his arms. For the first time in his life, he had felt free. And he had known, that if he could hold her close enough, he would be saved.
She had pushed him away. It had hurt more than anything Elena could have said or done.

He generally laughed it away, but something inside him died every time she shrank away from him, like he was something repulsive. He was, but that never changed how he felt.

She called him only when she landed herself in trouble and couldn't get out. Only when she needed him to save her. He'd always go, of course, but sometimes...
Sometimes he wished she'd call him just because she missed him.

She had never said out loud that she loved him; she had never said she cared. He only knew from the things she did, and sometimes by reading her mind.

But he knew.

When she had turned around and kissed him, at Caroline's house, it had made up for everything she'd done before.

He remembered when she had lied, faced with death and torture, just to keep him safe, just so that he wouldn't get hurt.

He remembered how earnest her face looked every time she tried to tell him he wasn't as bad as he thought he was. She trusted him, even when he couldn't trust himself. She believed him, when he'd lost all faith.

He loved Elena. But Bonnie touched him somewhere deep inside of him, where he could never reach. She touched him in a place he never knew existed. And she loved him, knowing what he was, never asking for anything back. Nobody had ever loved him before, not like that, not like her.

He would always forgive her, like she forgave him, no matter what she did, what she said. He would forgive her anything.

He would have loved her too, but she didn't deserve to be touched by his filth. She is so pure and beautiful, and he would only destroy her, for that is all he has ever done.
They say that he is her Protector, her Savior, and that she is his soft spot. They say that he'd always save her. He would. Even if it was from himself.