lonely

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i was lonely
so
i reread our messages,
it was then
that i realized
that you
would have been
perfectly fine with me
pulling the trigger,
you only responded
because you were
afraid
you would be the reason
i was found
in a crumpled mess
at the bottom of my closet
in my prettiest dress
with a bullet hole through my head,
my blood still draining
from the exit wound
at the back of my head,
my eyes glassy,
the most peaceful
i've ever looked
and yet
you were still
only worried
about yourself.

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