The Gods Just Went Ninja! (Naruto Fanfic)

Chapter 1

Nani?

"Nani?" I muttered in shock as Kami faceplanted infront of me.

"K-K-K-K...." Kami stuttered out as she pushed herself up.

"NANI!?"

I was staring at Uzumaki Kushina who was holding a small Kyuubi in her arms, a dead look in her eye as she looked like she was going to cry.

"He... he tortured me..." She broke down in tears as she fell into Kami's arms.

"Who?" Kami asked quietly as she rubbed Kushina's back.

"T-Tarumi..." She hiccuped as my chakra swirled like a deadly storm.

"Junko Tarumi. Jounin with no Kekkei Genkai. Exels at Genjustu yet is terrible at Ninjustu. Known to be a player and rapist yet no evidence found due to wooing the judge, male or female. Death 5th of May by poison. Changed to 6 of January by a angry Jashin." I snarled as my Devil form began to swirl around me and appear.

I rushed through Konohagakure and looked around, my eyes screaming death. I burst through a door and saw Tarumi holding a blue haired girls hand, smirking like he won the lottary.

The woman is Yuroshi Wendia. Daughter of a fuedal lord said to be killed in a month, gets raped then dies from a kunai up neather regions.

"Excuse me?" I asked them once I walked up to them, a small innocent smile on my face.

Tarumi seemed to lightned up at me as a glint of lust appeared in his eyes.

"Yes little girl?" He purred, causing Wendia to look at him in mild disgust.

"Are you Junko Tarumi?" I asked, dropping my head and pretending to blush. His face screamed 'JACKPOT!' as his actions showed pathetic.

"Yes~" He purred again as I looked up.

"I am Jashin. Please come with me?" I muttered as I turned around and walked away. Tarumi followed, leaving Wendia behind.

"Hot damn..." He whispered as I felt eyes on my behind.

'I am going to kill him...' I snarl with an eye twitch.

We finally arived at the Akasen, Tarumi's smirk growing with every step.

We turned into a corner where Tarumi grabbed me by my thighs and held me to the wall.

"Tarumi-San?" I whined with a playful hint, inside I was lathering myself in bleach.

"Yes kitten?" He whispered as he lowered his head to my neck.

"Do you remember a woman by the name of Uzumaki Kushina?" I asked him.

"Yes. I fucked her while she screamed for help, tight little thing she was. The Kyuubi couldn't anything either so I had her trapped to my bed screaming my name." He chuckled as my left finger twitched along with my right eye.

"And this is your death bed." I snarled as I realesed my Devil form.

That is when the screams started.

Kami's POV

A blood curdling scream echoed around Konoha as a I felt Jashin go on a rampage through our connection.

"Hush... Jashin will get him..." I comferted Kushina as she cried into my shoulder.

"Kushina!?" Someone yelled as a blonde ran around the corner and over to us.

"W-What happened?" He asked in horror as Kushina shook.

"Junko Tarumi got her.." I explained as he froze up in shock.

"W-What...." He whispered as horror hit him full force.

"RAGGHHHGHHGHHHGH!!!!!" A voice hit all of our ears as a head flew infront of us, causing us to scream and leap back.

A body of blood and shadows melted in front of us, a devilish grin on its face as it tore apart the head in anger.

'Damnit Jashin.'

"O-Oh Kami..." Minato choked out as an eyeball flew past.

"Lets go..." I whispered as I dragged them away from Jashin.

"DIE!!!" She shrieked into the air as Hiruzen appeared with ANBU.

"Oh Kami-Sama...." He whispered as a toungue flew past him and onto a ANBU's mask.

I winced in sympathy.

Jashin's POV

I blinked as black smoke erupted from my body and finally showed my body.

"Ohayo Minna." I greeted as Hiruzen seemed to have a heart attack.

"J-Jashin-Sama... what did he do?" Hiruzen asked as the ANBU around him almost dropped in shock.

"Rape. Murder. Anger a Kami." I listed off as he nodded in understanding.

"I see. You may go now." He sighed and began to order people around.

Time skip

I sat in class, almost falling asleep. Obito was already snoring next to me.

"JASHIN-CHAN!" Ikkaku-Kun barked as I blinked. "Please name the strongest level a Ninja can reach."

"Sage." I drawled as he looked disapointed.

"No... the highest level is Kami." He told me as I froze up, Kami doing the same.

"Who. Has. Reached. That. Level?" I snarled, a dark aura surrounding me.

".... Every Kage. But the true Kami is Senju Hashirama. He is the Kami-" He was cut off from his praise by me.

"HE IS NO KAMI!" I shrieked as he seemed to grow slightly more deffencive.

"And why not Jashin-Chan?" He asked with a hint of a snarl.

"HAS HE EVER CREATED HUMAN LIFE!? EVER WATCHED PEOPLE LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING OF HIS EXCISTENCE!? PEOPLE KEEPING AN EYE ON HIS SIBLING AND NOT HIM!? PRAISING HIM!? ADORING HIM!? NO! HE KNOWS NOTHING OF BEING A GOD!" I bellowed to him, tear pricking my eyes as I screamed out why I believed him to be lower than me.

"YO I TELL YA WHAT I WANT! WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!" Kami sang catching my attention.

"SO TELL WHATTCHA WANT. WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!" I shouted back.

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT. WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!" She screamed at me.

"I WANNA. I WANNA. I WANNA. I REALLY WANNA ZIGGAZAG UH!" I screamed back.

Kami cackled as everyone looked weirded out.

"SEXY BITCH!" I randomly screamed as me and Kami ran away, ANBU following us.

"BOOM BITCH!" I yelled as we slammed into the Uchiha compound, rushing right past a surprised Mikoto and a bewildered Fugaku.