Hindsight

Calamity

"Jay." she said in a bare whisper. So softly that she wasn't sure if he had actually heard her. She can feel her heart at the pit of her stomach. Terrified, her legs were trembling but she tried to stay very still against the wall of their bedroom.

She couldn't go on like this. Lying. Lying to the man she loves on a daily basis. It was eating her up inside. Just being in the same room as him has gotten to the point where she'd avoid putting herself in that position entirely. So, she'd avoid him. The fact that she had hurt him was hurting her. Slowly but surely killing her even.

She cheated.

She slept with another man.

But whatever the consequences, she had to come clean today and pray to the Almighty above that he'll find it in his heart to forgive her. She never meant to hurt him. It was just a drunken, stoned hook up. One that literally didn't mean anything.

He's a good man. He's going to forgive her.

Right?

"We need to, ahh, I need, I need to talk to you, Jay."

She watched as he spun around to look at her direction; he was buttoning up his shirt. A look of frustration painted on his. She knows he was having a hard time buttoning his shirt. It was the one task that he dreaded. A task that was once as easy as pie but now an annoyance and a hassle.

"Yea, of course." he said and sat back down on the bed, motioning for her to join him.

Finally. It was now that she finally decided to talk, to open up. After months and months of waiting and giving her time and space, she finally decided to entrust in him.

She's finally normal.

He's finally going to get a piece of her mind.

He's finally going to know what's been consuming her.

But he wondered whether he's even ready to listen to what Carlos did to her.

He took her hands in his and when he felt those quivering hands and the sound of her sniffles, he knew something wasn't right. She still wasn't ready.

It hurts him that she's still hurting.

"It's ok. It's ok." he pulled her into his arms but she quickly pushed him away and got up.

He knitted his brows, confused, and looked up at where he felt she was. "Er, talk to me."

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she stood by the foot of the bed. Her arms crossed around her chest. She ought to do this today. She can't keep stalling.

If not now, when?

"Er?"

"Jay, I..." she sobbed.

"Hey, Er, baby, I get it, ok. It's alright. I'm not forcing you to tell me anything, ok? You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready." he said, calmly. "Baby, I love-"

"No." she shook her head. She didn't want him to finish that sentence anymore. It wasn't doing any of them any good by hearing those three little words. She can't hear him say those words any longer. She doesn't deserve his love. Or to be loved. "Just listen...please." she rested her hands on her stomach and blew out a deep agonising breath.

Something was definitely wrong.

Was it the baby?

Did she do something to her?