Hindsight

Grief

A human being needs a lot of things to feel alive, to actually be living life, not just merely existing and waiting for life to end.

Family. Love. Food. Shelter. Sex.

It is those elements that we all need.

But we only really need one thing to actually be alive.

We need a beating heart.

"Male. 57. Unconscious, tachy at scene. Managed to shock him back to sinus rhythm..." the paramedic barked as they wheeled into the emergency department.

"Sir, sir, can you hear us?...You're in the hospital." An ER nurse said as he began stirring to consciousness and in unison multiple pairs of hands grabbed the sheets of the ambulance gurney, transferring him onto a hospital stretcher.

"Sarge!" he heard a familiar voice calling out to him, "This is all my fault. He's gonna be ok, right? Right?"

Though his ears were ringing, her panic was evident.

"He's in good hands."

When our heart is threatened, we respond in one of two ways; we either run or we attack.

There's a scientific term for the theory and that's fight or flight.

A reaction to threat at the sympathetic nervous system, preparing us for fighting or fleeing.

It's instinct.

The cascade of catecholamines in the adrenal medulla determines our perceived response.

"BP; 60 palpated. Pulse; 57. Sats; 89%. 12-lead EKG en-route shows acute MI."

MI?

He doesn't want to die.

He doesn't like hospitals.

He doesn't want to see his wife just yet.

When our blood is blocked from flowing to our heart, our heart muscle cells don't get the oxygen they need. This damages our heart, and cells begin to die indefinitely and quickly.

There is no turning back.

Once it's dead, it's gone forever.

"We were able to establish a line and started a lidocaine drip." the paramedic said before heading out of the stuffed room.

A man in dark scrubs rushed in, snapping in latex gloves while another in lighter scrubs fastened a bright yellow gown over him.

"What have we got here?"

He listened while the crowd talk as if he wasn't even there, listened to their strenuous medical jargons, listened as they made decisions for him.

He can't feel anymore.

Was he even alive?

At any given moment, the brain has fourteen billion neurones firing at a speed four hundred and fifty miles per hour. We don't have control over most of them.

When we get chills, goosebumps.

When we get excited, adrenaline.

When we get hurt, pain.