Autompne

six

SIX

"I'm dying," I blurted out as our table filled with silence. Jessica dropped her fork, Freddie's eyes widened and Flo's jaw dropped.

I was only trying to back myself out of it by trying to convince myself that I didn't need to tell them. I had to tell them because maybe if they knew beforehand, they'd be prepared. They wouldn't feel so confused.

Jessica's eyes shed tears and at that moment I realized that I never really did see her cry. Flo stayed the same way, refusing to move and Freddie had his hands over his face, covering it. We all had it coming so why did they react like that?

"I need to go," I said as I got up from our table and walked away. I couldn't handle seeing them like that.

I guess I need to wait a couple of days before I visit them again, I thought.

I walked listlessly through the hospital hallways, passing doctors and nurses by. I didn't know where I was going but I knew that my mom was probably looking for me. We'd only come for a blood sample which didn't take a long time. I was still confused by everyone's reaction because I hadn't expected it. Did they really care that much? Or was I just their outside world source that'd update them on things? Were they upset over possibly losing their outside world source?

I'd never been one to think of suicide—it only happened during my episodes; like I was forced to think of it but it never happened willingly. Right then and there though, I wanted nothing more than to die. I kept wishing over and over again that my organs would suddenly fail and I'd drop dead. There was nothing left for me anymore so why did I need to stay? No matter how many times I searched my brain for an answer, I always came up short.

"Excuse me," a soft, girly voice said and my head snapped up to the source of the voice but all I could see was a wall right in front of me. I had only just realized that I'd entered a patient's room without noticing. I turned to the patient and my breath immediately caught in my throat when she smiled. I couldn't move, I couldn't say a word; I just stood still and looked at her.

Her beautiful gold-spun locks rested on both sides of her shoulders, curled slightly and a little bit messy. Her bright, emerald green, eyes were framed by her long lashes and her teeth resembled pearls. She was completely and utterly beautiful. Every inch of her made my heart warm up and a tingly feeling to build up in my stomach. Her tiny wrists had a couple of scratches proving that she didn't think of herself the same way I thought of her.

"Are you a doctor?" she spoke again—her voice as soothing to the tongue as chocolate. She seemed fragile; tender. I wanted to hold her hand, know her story. And suddenly, all my thoughts of suicide washed away.

"I-I'm not," I said, my voice barely a whisper.

"Who are you?" she asked, sitting up.

"I'm… I was walking around, I didn't realize I'd walked in here," I began. "I'm sorry, I'll just go—"

"No," she cut me off as silence filled the room. After a couple of moments, she spoke again with that same smile that made me melt. "What's your name?"

"I'm Finn," I said, inching closer to her bed.

"My name's Autumn," she said. "Like, the season."

I laughed a little as I took a seat next to her bed. She didn't say or do anything so I assumed it was okay for me to sit there. Had she smiled, the world would sigh with contentment. Had she laughed, the world would laugh with her. And had she wept, the whole world would want to comfort her.

Her name was Autumn but her smile… her smile was as bright as the summer sun.

**

It's currently 4am and I have a physics test in a few hours so I won't be uploading the next part till later today. I hate that I'm late with this but I just didn't have enough time. Sigh, blame it on my school and lack of sleep.