We are all in search of a simplistic lifestyle. One spouse, children, a dog, a car, a job, a good family. That house with the white picket fence where our family comes to celebrate Christmas...the truth is...life is just a simple word. One word with one syllable. I wish it were that easy. I wish I wasn't laying here pondering all my regrets while complication settled within to cuddle with me as I cry for sleep. I wish I didn't have to tell you what I want, that you understood me well enough to know the simplest urges of my desires. I wish that I didn't contemplate how I would be able to live on my own because deep down I know you don't feel for me as I do you. I wish my insides were as gold and shiny as the celebrities and their diamond rings. The truth is...I'm ugly. My insides are made of black goo, the kind that smells of death and reeks of the horrible colors of my life. The truth is I'm stuck...in love but hardly loved. I doubt every attempt you make because if I were to accept what you call love it would ruin me. I've made up fairy tales in my mind based of the most realistic and simple sketches of the hearts desire. However, nothing could ever be as complicated as your love for me. You want me only at your every whim and never at my own. I am called upon like a dog with a shock collar. Left to lie at the edge of your bed. Snuggling up next your feet like prey of lion like men. I am but a reflection of tainted perfection. Used and misused to the core. I move only at your will or selection. A robot whose gears move only to the tone of your voice. A heart pumped only for your desire. I lack the conviction to speak without being spoken to. To scream without waking you. Honestly all that I have said would not matter if only we were two instead of me the one who follows you. I have nothing to do...I am stuck waiting for a better tune. I am starting to doubt all the mellow dramatic nonsense. Bride and groom live happily ever after. Their lives ever so complete. Sounds like rubbish to me. The truth is there's no such thing as a simple happy ending. No such thing as respect given for the betterment of that which it is given to. You move only for yourself. I am simply here for amusement and nothing else. The truth is. Life is ever so complicated. It twist and turns until it's blocked itself into an intangible knot. We lose and then we die. The truth is I'm already dying on the inside. Simple as that...
