i n s e c u r e

eighteen

Kihyun was greeted by his relatives when he entered the house. It has been a really tiring day at school but Kihyun managed to flash a sweet smile.

"You are home?" One of his uncle asked and he nodded.

"How was school?"

"As per normal" He replied briefly.

He bowed to them and excuse himself to the kitchen. He knows that they have not been served any drinks which was why he took the initiative to make some for them.

His mother was busy talking to them when he returned back with a glass of warm drinks. It was at that moment when his younger brother came back.

KiJun.

Kihyun has a total 3 siblings.

Kijun is the youngest of them all.

Kira and Kyemin are Kihyun's sisters. They are both married and both of them live by themselves now.

"Omg you look really good Kijun!" Mrs Lee praised the younger as he took off his shoes.

Kijun smile softly before dismissing himself to their room.

"Your son is really good looking eh?" Mr Lee continued.

Kihyun placed the drinks down and went back to the kitchen.

"I can see that he'd definitely marry first before Kihyun" The both of them chuckled along with his mom.

"Not that Kihyun is ugly...he is just fat thats all" Mrs Lee tried to cover up.

Kihyun heard all of that and smile softly. This isnt the first time anyway. In school, many people were shocked to know that Kijun is Kihyun's younger brother.

They see absolutely no resemblance and that made the students make fun of Kihyun.

They would constantly say how Kijun is more good looking that Kihyun and that Kihyun is the black hole of the siblings.

Kira and Kyemin both look gorgeous as well.

One girl even came up to Kihyun just to ask ,

"Thats your brother?"

"How come he is goodlooking and you are ugly?"

Straight up to his face as if those words doesnt hurt him the slightest.

But it did.

And it hurts so bad.

"Yea he is good looking...and his body is amazing if you see" Mrs Yoo chuckle softly.

"You gotta be careful with that one..I can see girls crowding him soon" Mrs Lee laughed.

Kihyun look at his reflection in the mirror and slowly shed a tear.

Why do people easily say things as if it doesnt hurt anyone?

Is other people's insecurities a joke to them?

Why cant we just keep all those negative opinions to ourselves?

Must everything be said openly?

Kihyun quickly made his way to the bathroom and close it shut.

He sat on the toilet bowl and cried.

Tears stream down his face uncontrollably. Kihyun doesnt know if he is sensitive but he sure knows that those words, those simple words actually went right through him.

How could a word be that strong?

How could words break a human's heart so easily?

Kihyun mentally tore his hair as he punched his tummy and slap his face. He doesnt want to be ugly and fat anymore.

Scratch that, he doesnt even feel like living anymore.

All the people around him degrade him so much that he felt like ending his life soon.

He doesnt want to sound dramatic but honestly, every single time this happens, it made him tear up.

Kihyun really felt insecure.

Ever since he was young.

Which led him to the stage of depression.

All this thing about being the 'perfect' human being is starting to eat him up.

He doesnt want to live this way. He wants to be confident with his appearance. He wants to be able to wear whatever he likes and look good in it.

He doesnt want to be treated like trash.

Its really making him feel worthless.

He sank his head on his palms and stare at his hands.

People say that sometimes, when you cut yourself, it will feel good.

It will feel better.

Maybe that will make Kihyun happier.

While crying, he suddenly let out small inaudible laughs.

i thought that i'd never reach this stage where self harm actually brought happiness to me.

the stage where i hurt myself only to make me feel better

He chuckle softly as he grab a blade he had always kept close to him and slowly run it through his skin.

True enough, it makes him smile.