i n s e c u r e

sixteen

Shownu wiped his hair while sitting at the front of the fan. His mind was wandering everywhere.

"you''ll find a reason to live again"

Those words repeat itself like a chant.

Will I find a reason to live again?

He cease to know whats the true meaning of life. Like why was he created and why was he sent to earth?

He doesnt understand anything about his entire existence. Many people around him have figured it out and are doing something meaningful in their life.

But what is that meaningful thing for Shownu?

He stopped drying his hair and just stare at the small fan in front of him. Even the fan has a purpose in life. Its really starting to eat him up. This whole idea about living.

Shownu was about to take a nap when his phone vibrated.

Without even looking at the phone, he somehow could have guessed that it is a message from Kihyun. And it is.

INBOX (4)

KIHYUN : Hey ....how are you feeling???

Kihyun : I know its 12am in the morning but I cant sleep

Kihyun : and tmr is Saturday so I wont be seeing you right?

Kihyun : so I send u a text instead...ya know...just checking

Shownu scroll through the text and let out a small laugh.

Shownu : Im fine 👍

Shownu : And im sorry for just now?

Kihyun : No problem!!

Kihyun : but really....suicide is never the answer to your probs alright?

Kihyun : im gonna be as cheesy as I have always been and say, whenever you feel alone, remember that im here for you

Shownu : r u sure u r not gay?

Kihyun : 😒

Despite calling Kihyun gay, ironically, Shownu love this side of Kihyun that didnt really care about other's opinion and instead, just do whatever he likes.

And just be himself.

Shownu : Thanks

Shownu : ❤

Kihyun : 😏😏😏😏😏

-

Shownu rest his head on his arms as he felt Kihyun sitting beside him. Its another week of school but thankfully, their classes start a little bit later than usual.

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Staaaaarrrrr" Kihyun sang the song repeatedly, trying to wake the male up from his deep slumber.

"Thats gonna make me sleep more" Shownu mumbled as he sink his head deeper inside his arms.

Kihyun pout.

"Okay then...reply me with your eyes close"

"Hmm"

"Have you eaten breakfast?"

"No........why?"

"I bought you some food" Kihyun shook a plastic bag in front of the male.

Shownu peek through his lashes and spot Kihyun analising the things he bought.He was busy reading the lables and the sugar content.

"I think this one is better for a breakfast meal since you need a lot of energy to kick start your day.....I guess.. what does diindolylmethane sounds like to you? Is it methane?" Kihyun scrunch his nose, which Shownu actually find it strangely cute.

"Maybe" Shownu stared at the male in front of him.

Kihyun is really a mood maker.

Even if he is the saddest person on earth, no one would have guessed that because he is always smiling.

".....kihyun" Shownu whisper.

"Yesseu child"

".....dont you feel tired?"

Kihyun thought for a moment and shook his head.

"I think Im coping well with my studies despite the exams is just around--"

"No...." Shownu stopped him,"-thats not what Im saying"

Kihyun put all the food back in the plastic and tilt his head towards his friend.

"Then?"

"....arent...you tired of smil...ing?" Shownu rose up.

Kihyun fixed his gaze on Shownu. He doesnt quite get what the lad is trying to imply.

"Smiling? In what way?? In a creepy way?" Kihyun widened his eyes.

"Nooooo" Shownu rest his chin on his palm.

The way Shownu stare at Kihyun always makes the lad feel uneasy.

"Just....it seems to me that you have your own problems...but from the way I see you act, its as if you are the most happiest human alive ....dont you feel tired? faking a smile? Not tryna sound rude though.." Shownu raised his hands in defence.

Kihyun opened a packet of drink and hand it over to the male.

"Sometimes it is tiring....people assume that I dont have any problems and that Im living a very blissful life...they assume that I dont understand how people feel and what not" Kihyun tore a packet of the dim sum.

"But I do....its just that...if Im always down and depressed every single time, then everyone would feel the same right??? Everyone would feel bad as well...and I dont want everyone else to feel the same"

"....is it not tiring to you then?" Shownu took the dimsum from Kihyun's hand.

"Do I make you feel uneasy or pleased?"

"You make me feel happy" Shownu bite a huge piece of the bun and wiggle his brows.

"Did I made you smile?"

Shownu nodded playfully, making Kihyun smile instantly.

"Then its worth it...because making you smile is never tiring for me" Kihyun shove all the food to Shownu, asking him to eat well.

The male on the other hand, unknowingly blush after hearing what Kihyun said. He couldnt contain his smile as this was the first time someone said that to him.

At this moment, he feels like Kihyun is the only person he has in this world.

-

Im sorry for not updating much yall!!!

This past two weeks have been nothing but exams everyday and as an art student,im required to come up with 5 boards of drawing and its been taking up lots of my time😭😭

Im not sure if im gonna be active coz in June,i'll have extra classes + its the fasting month so please pray that im gonna be free to update before June😂😂

Update :  Im now working... HAHAHHAHAH 3 years has passed man WOWWW