i n s e c u r e

thirtytwo

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Kihyun rushed to the male and stole his cigarette along with the soju bottles.

Shownu stare at Kihyun as the male confiscate his stuff.

"....what the hell are you doing here...." Shownu mumbled as he rolled his eyes and grab another bottle of soju.

He wanted to drink it but Kihyun snatch it away from him.

"Why did you bring these to school?! You might get expelled if you get caught!" Kihyun look towards the entrance, making sure theres no guards at sight.

Shownu laid on his back and close his eyes for a second. It seems that he had been drinking way too much.

And its unhealthy because its still in the morning and Kihyun knows that Shownu hadnt had any breakfast.

Kihyun was in a verge of tears looking at the male who seemed lifeless while laying on the bench.

"Oh god...Shownu...lets go..."

"No....get away from me!" He groan all of a sudden.

Kihyun sigh heavily as he grab Shownu's arms.

"Lets go...you are--"

"Leave me alone!!" He shouted at the male.

Shownu got up as he sank his head on his palms.

"Whats wrong with you? Why are you back to your old habits? Didnt you said you wanted to quit? We made a promise!" Kihyun stare at him intently.

Shownu look up at Kihyun and that was when Kihyun realise that Shownu was crying.

"I didnt want to quit alright!!! I AM HAPPY WITH THE WAY I AM!!!" Shownu pushed Kihyun away.

"-I QUIT BECAUSE OF YOU!!!" He grit his teeth while glaring at Kihyun.

Kihyun stood there silently, he knows for sure that Shownu is going to lash out at him. And he is ready for it.

"You told me to find a reason to quit...and I found one....its you...I wanted to become a better person for you..." Shownu mumble as he wipe all the tears around his eyes.

Kihyun paused, looking at Shownu who was hitting his chest. Kihyun didnt know he caused so much trouble to the poor guy.

"Shownu Im--"

"You...you...make me look like a bloody fool do you know that?...how could you....I LOVED AND CARE ABOUT YOU BUT WHO ENDED UP BEING THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE HUH?! HYERIN ISNT IT?! I---....im not angry that you like her but....why the hell didnt you tell me huh? Why you make me wait for you like im some kind of fool? Is it cause I like you? Thats why you are using me?Thats why you are taking advantage of me?...I.....why cant you just tell me the truth?! Stop playing around with my feelings okay?!" Shownu ran his fingers through his hair as he stare at the ground.

Kihyun couldnt say anything to defend himself because he knows that he is at fault.

But the thing is, Kihyun didnt mean to play around with Shownu's feelings. He knows for a fact that a human's heart is very fragile.

He knows for a fact that Shownu loves him a lot but love...no matter how we look at it, can never be forced.

Its true that Kihyun do like Shownu as well but he still needs to be clear of his own feelings.

He doesnt want to confess to Shownu just for the sake of it.

He needs time to fully learn about himself before he decides to be with Shownu.

Unlike Kihyun, Shownu doesnt have anybody else to think about.

Kihyun has to think about his family and relatives.

Can his mother accept this? She doesnt even allow him to have a girlfriend in the first place. And now Kihyun likes a boy? What kind of disaster would that be?

"Shownu im really sorry if I made you feel that way but please...I never played with your feelings...I just--"

"You know what....thank you so much...--"

"No dont say that..."

"Thank you for the past few months of being my friend...Im sorry if I made you feel disgusted in any way or Im being dramatic or...I...just...I have no one Kihyun-ah....and you are my pillar of strength...my will to survive whatever kind of challenges life throws at me...you are the reason why I live...but now...I realise that...maybe I was selfish...I didnt think about your feelings so I..decided...to stop this...I wont chase after you anymore and I wont even talk to you about this...we'll just go back to how it was before...as classmates...or probably strangers.." Shownu quickly grab his bag pack and storm out of the rooftop, leaving Kihyun behind.