Breathe

Chapter Twenty-One

[WARNING: this chapter has strong mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts.]

Chapter Twenty-One

*~*~*~*

I told you that there were three stories about the night of Jessica's party, and there are, but first there's something else you all need to know. Remember that statistic I mentioned before? How statistics prove the subjective feeling of loneliness can increase the likelihood of premature death by twenty-six percent? Yeah, well, I'm not the only one who knows that's true.

Don't worry, Zach, this isn't about you again, at least, not entirely. You see, I wasn't the only one it that school that was lonely. I wasn't the only one that felt as though they were drowning, like they had no one left. The odd thing is, this very person was probably my closest friend in the whole town. She was by my side during all the crap with the rest of you, until she just wasn't. She was the person that seemed to understand me best, but she still pushed me away.

Welcome to your tape, Penny.

*~*~*~*

"Maybe we should talk to her?" I could hear my parents talking downstairs while I sat by the window in my bedroom. It had been a week since I was released from the hospital, but I had refused to return to school yet, however, my parents were insistent on me starting again on Monday, in just three days.

"She's hurting, just give her a little more time. She'll come around eventually." I could hear my dad say. I only rolled my eyes as I stared out at our street. It was so hard to believe that Jeff wasn't here anymore, that he was laying on metal table in a dark room somewhere and would soon be six feet under.

Never again would I see him messing with his car in the driveway, trying to figure out what was wrong himself before caving and having me call Tony over. I'd never be able to toss around a baseball in the backyard with him again, or go and watch him have fun on the field, the place he had dubbed his second home. And I'd never see him struggling with his classwork in the library with Clay. Never again would I hear his laugh or see his smile. My best friend was really gone while I was somehow still here, no matter how much I wish it was the other way around.

I gave a small shake of my head, trying to push away the thoughts of Jeff and everything I had lost in that car accident. I wiped my damp eyes with the back of my hand before I found myself spotting a familiar face standing on the sidewalk below, staring up at my window, at me. My stomach knotted at the sight of my friend standing there, not having seen her since Jessica's party. I watched as Hannah forced a small smile onto her face, giving a small wave of her hand, gesturing for me to come down.

I pursed my lips into a thin line before I looked away from my friend. Rather than going downstairs to talk to her, I walked out of my bedroom and stared at the closed door across the hall. Taking a deep breath, I rose a shaking hand to open the door. I glanced over my shoulder at the stairs before slipping into the bedroom, not wanting my parents to see me. Once the door was shut behind me, I leaned my back against the cool wood and stared around the room in front of me.

My ears felt as though they were buzzing as I walked across the floor and took a seat on the edge of Jeff's bed. The room looked exactly as Jeff had left it that night, before he'd left for the party. His bed was made, though he was some shirts slung over his desk chair, his letterman jacket tossed onto the foot of his bed. On his bedside table, next to his alarm clock, was a photo of him and I from last summer. Mom and Dad had been arguing a lot, so he had taken it upon himself to cheer me up. He had loaded us up in his car and driven us out to San Fransisco where we just spent the day hanging out together. He'd snapped the picture of us on one of the classic trollies that ran throughout the city. Both of us were smiling widely in the picture, both of us so happy.