'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in you hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Whoa breathe, just breathe
"I've always been rough around the edges. Or at least that's what people think. Maybe it's what I want them to think. But Hannah, she saw right through all that.
She was the kind of friend who challenged me, whether I liked it or not. Hannah and I had a relationship like...well, we kept each other's secrets.
Me, I try to be a good friend...in the way I know how. I sometimes let my anger get the best of me. Or if I don't...it eats me up inside. When we act out of anger or fear... we can hurt people we don't mean to hurt."
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My lips were pressed into a thin line as I sat in the gym before school. I hadn't bothered to take a seat in the bleachers, but instead had found a spot on the floor in front of Jeff's framed jersey. The warning had already rung, alerting everyone that there was only a minute until they were supposed to be in first period. But I didn't bother to move a muscle. I didn't even want to be at school, so why bother rushing to get to a class that I didn't care about?
I could hear the doors on the other side of the gym open and close, but I didn't bother to look away from the jersey. The small tribute that the school had dedicated to my brother after they'd finally been forced to accept that he hadn't been driving drunk. That instead one of the school's start cheerleaders had made a mistake that had cost him his life.
"Figured you wouldn't be here today." I recognized Justin's voice instantly as he took a seat beside me on the floor, tossing his bag onto the floor on his other side. "Isn't Tony testifying today?"
"Yep," I nodded. "But my parents made it clear that if I skip anymore school to be in court that they'll pull me and send me to some private school in New York. So I'm here and my mom's police friends are watching the courtroom to make sure I don't show my face. Meaning I can't be there to support my best friend."
Silence encased us for a moment, the boy by my side no doubt thinking over my words carefully before he dared open his mouth. Meanwhile I welcomed the silence like an old friend. It allowed me to focus on the picture of Jeff that accompanied his jersey, allowing me to wonder about all the possible things he'd tell me if he were still here. To wonder if he'd be proud of me or not, if he would approve of Zach and I or not.
"You know, I don't think I ever actually told you I'm sorry about Jeff," he spoke up again after a few minutes, the tardy bell having already rung, making us officially late for class. "About what happened that night."
