Selfish

Another big update on my anxiety + a story!

Damn, I'm reading through all of these chapter things and cringing severely. Alright, so the first therapist I went to was awful (she just sat and stared at me as I talked about my day), but my main doctor transferred to a different doctor and since I trusted her we transferred me to the other location. I got a higher dose of Prozac, which has been helping tremendously, and I'm currently seeing one of the therapists named Mila. She talks and acts like a normal person towards me, so I didn't feel that uncomfortable. I also have Bulimia, but I'm trying to stop since I don't fuck with getting blood drawn. No. Nuh uh. No way. I also got my hair cut a little shorter than shoulder length, but I kinda want it shorter. Anyway, on with the story about my friends in this group chat on Twitter.

Their names are Iris (14 or 15), Mia (?), Kobe (18), Caitlin (14), and lastly Mya (10). We all watch this YouTuber NickDominates and we all were the last ones on a live stream he did. We had been there for hours and were all talking and joking and stuff, so we decided to go and make a group chat with all of us plus Nick in it. The first month was really fun but slightly overwhelming since I don't have any friends, but everything was going nice and smooth. We would go to each other's rooms (mostly mine) on Rabb.it and would watch hentai and other weird stuff together and laugh about it. I always set my room as "Live" so anyone can join, and one time, this person Kaz showed up. We were all watching this really fucked up hentai and she was in high school and she didn't have many friends, so we all started talking to her and laughing as she learned about our fucked up childhoods. It was something we all were kinda bonding over. Now you see, Mya isn't that great of a person. She's racist (she's black) to Asians, saying stuff like "ching chong bing bong" and calling them some questionable names, but it was all a joke so I guess we didn't make much of it. Nick has a very inappropriate sense of humor, and we all were basically unsensitized to it, so it didn't seem like that much of a problem. Well anyway, Kaz came on and we were all talking to them and all of a sudden Mya texted in our group chat saying that I was leaving her for a stranger (even though I was talking to her?), and wasn't responding to us. Meanwhile, Iris (she's amazing. Bless her lil heart), was blaming herself and telling me all that was going on. This ruined the mood for Kaz and they left after a bit, blaming themselves too. Mya didn't respond to us for hours and I was furious. Finally, she came back and said it all was a joke, but then said that since we were mad at her she doesn't care about all the distress she caused us, and blocked ME. ME ONLY. EVEN THOUGH I WAS TALKING TO HER WHEN KAZ WAS THERE. Apparently, she wanted to unblock me but she couldn't figure it out even though it isn't hard at all, and she just said goodnight to Iris and went to bed. I was crying by then. Not because of Mya but because Iris felt terrible and she made Kaz feel like trash. See, that's the thing with me. You can mess with me all you want, but don't get people I care about involved. She eventually figured out how to unblock me the morning after and wouldn't talk to me for s few days before acting as if everything's fine. She didn't even acknowledge what she did. Fast forward a few months. One day Mya got mad over us calling her out on being really rude to Iris, and she left. Normally we add her back but by then we were kinda done with adding her. She can ask to come back. I told her this and she said she didn't care. The next day she texted me saying she was crying and her mom just gave birth to some baby girl but she was born dead. Since Mya lies, I was questioning her. Asking for a name, if the baby breathed in some of the embryonic fluid, to which she said the name was "Luna" and she did apparently breath in the embryonic fluid (???). I said if she needed anything we all still love her and care for her. She told me Iris had been cussing her out and insulting her. I told Iris and she sent me a screenshot of their last convo, which was at the beginning of the month. I called her out and she sent: ":>". After that, she said, "Mya isn't here right now, please leave a message after the tone." I was pissed and added her back to the group chat so we could all talk. She cursed us all out calling us "BICHES" and she left. Later she made her own group chat adding me, Kobe, Caitlin, Mia, and Nick. No Iris. I mainly talked in the original groupchat with Iris, but I still talked to Mya a bit. Iris was done with her BS and wanted no part in our groupchat, but she still wanted the daily gossip. Today, I noticed Mya wasn't talking at all which is unusual, so I search up her account and find that it's deactivated. I told Iris this and we were laughing our asses off. Anyway, my relationship with Iris, Kobe, and Caitlin is fantastic (Mia kinda left after a while but every once in a while she talks to us). I'm glad that Mya's gone. She brought nothing but lies and drama.

I can finally say I have friends. Yay! Now let's hope I don't screw this up. :)

Anyway thank you to whoever read that "I said she said" story and yeah. 

BYEEEEE