Call of Duty

15

CHRIS' POV

Dinner was great. I watched Jane brought the cake out of the fridge to the living room then plopped on the couch. I was watching Pawn Stars when she said something about the vintage gun that made me skip a heartbeat.

"im getting nightmares again..." she said softly as she tries to act all cool by placing a spoonful of cake in her mouth after another. Stress eating.

I knew something was wrong but cant point any finger to it. I took Midnight's phone number while she was sleeping 2 weeks ago and told him whats bothering me, he then told me to just observe and wait cause she'll tell when she's ready and I think it's the time.

I held her hand to assure her that I'll be by her side her no matter and I nod for her to continue

"it started the night after the 1st exercises, memories of my 1st kill and deployment started haunting me again. after my 1st deployment though I managed to pass my neuro tests during debriefing I was later on diagnosed with a PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) but it wasn't the military doctor who found out – it was a private practitioner. I would never admit that im suffering from PTSD I did my best to keep it at bay but undergoing therapy sessions from time to time – sneaking out of the base. After 3 months, I was free from it til the 1st exercises. Its as if im reliving the scene, as I scan the perimeter via the scope while marines were on ground scouring the place, I've witnessed how a boy (not older than 16) killed one of ours. He too was a sniper I was a second too later he was able to pull the trigger before I did – end game one of ours died so did he. That haunted me for I could've saved that soldier's life if had been, if i had been, he's I was there when he was laid to rest saw how his widow and son grieved. It shattered me into pieces for he wont be six feet under if was able to spot the sniper earlier. Then there's this young girl around 8 or 9 who happened to be nearby when a bomb went off, shrapnel were all over her a few seconds later after I placed on top of the table her body went into anaphylactic shock then she started coughing out blood and the shrapnel lodged in her carotid artery came off blood gushed out like a faucet despite the effort to put pressure to it then the medic tapped my shoulder saying – she's gone. I can still feel a faint pulse but I know too well that the medic was right the faint pulse's interval was almost a minute apart. I didn't remove my hand in her neck nor leave the child's side til Midnight dragged me out of there and slapped me. His words struck my heart like an arrow piercing through it "people are dying striker, if you wont get your shit together more lives will be lost." That night I was on a killing spree – killing insurgents without any remorse. My team was able to regained control of that part of the town at first light the following day. I refused to talk to anyone even Midnight after that day. I keep things bottled up and cleaning my riffle/gun or going for a jog keeps me calm. I even questioned God how could he let this happen – those were fucking children for Christ's sake. Slowly I was able to deal with all those shit that hit me." She's already trembling but refused to let the tear dam open. All along I kept her hands in mine can feel her gripping it tighter from time to time.

My heart's broken with what's happening with my wife. I knew this very well cause I too suffered from PTSD but did managed it with the support of my family and friends and the veterans from the support group. I was the one who's more comfortable of showing emotions unlike Jane so I know that it's really hard for her open up – no amount of words can ease this type of burden so I did what will help her. I pulled her into a hug that's when she started to pour her heart out through her tear ducts. She cried til no tears come out, she stayed in my arms for god knows how long then she raised her head to meet my gaze with puffy eyes and nose she said

"im sorry for making your shirt wet and thank you for listening." And smiled.

"you don't have to thank me babe. Im your husband and I love you."