Too Much (Rei x Reader)

~Is It Worth It~

Here it is! I know it is like ridiculously short but I had to at least get this chapter out there before the beginning of next month because I won't be able to work on any fictions during my next class (3d modeling *kill me*). But I really wanted to be able to get it out so you guys could get a little bit of something before I went absent for a month haha

I promise after next month the next chapter will before super duper long! I have so much to go through for the next chapter haha so I'm excited about it!

Please let me know if you liked this chapter because I really want to make certain you all are enjoying the direction I chose to take it in as well haha okie dokie?

Enjoy!

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I couldn't feel my own heartbeat inside of my chest, everything was numb. (Y/n). She was standing right before me. I wasn't dreaming like all those times before when I had imagined her coming back to me, remembering everything, loving me again...it wasn't any of that. She was here. She was real.

And I was frozen.

She was even more beautiful than anything my memory served. Mesmerizing, in fact, and I was completely captivated. I wanted to run to her, capture her in my arms, never letting go as I had regretted doing so many years ago. Feelings rumbled within my chest as my heart began to beat rapidly inside my chest finally. Though so many thoughts swirled through my mind like a hurricane of emotions, not a word would muster itself into coherency.

(Y/n) began to rub her arm, visibly uncomfortable with my silence, yet there was not a single word that I could manage. "I-I, uh, I understand that the last time we talked was...uhm, less than desirable." She spoke gently and her voice, oh God, her sweet voice made tears the tears well over my eyes and finally race down my cheeks. She was speaking to me again. I never thought I'd be able to see her again and now she's speaking to me. I was elated. "B-But, ya know, it's funny that we're meeting here and I've really been thinking...a lot about you recently." Me? She's been thinking about me? Why me? "I was just wondering if maybe we could get some coffee? That is if you have the time of course. I-I just, uhm, I think we have a lot to catch up on." Finally, she made eye contact with me and my heart melted when I saw her soft, yet weak and fragile smile accompanied with a broken giggle. "Six years changes people, don't you think?" Then she walked over to me, hesitating at first and leaning closer to hug me but only for a moment. As soon as I felt her warmth, it was gone, but I knew I'd never forgotten it. Before she turned around to walk away, she looked at the ground as if contemplating something, then back up at me with her serious (e/c) gaze fixed on my face. "I've remembered so many things, Rei. And I really think we need to talk before I go back." I felt a weight inside of me as if it were strangling my lungs. The wind was completely stolen from my lungs and my heart constricted within my chest at her seriousness.

I had no idea how to answer. How does one answer such a subject out of the blue? I just stood there with (y/n) in front of me as if she were a stranger. She remembered? Now? Out of all the times for her to remember...she remembers now? But there were so many questions, so much more than just how or when she recovered her memory, so I nodded slightly as my eyes never left hers, "Of course, (y/n). Anywhere." I muttered my answer.

Her lovely smile inched its way onto her face again, although it still liked as if she were struggling, "Thank you, Rei...Uhm, do you care if we meet at the coffee shop we use to study at? It's still open on the weekends, besides, I'm certain they loved to see us again." She remembered the coffee shop. The place we always spent our times cramming for tests. The same coffee shop where I first told her how beautiful she was.

Nodding more adamantly now, I smiled softly, "Yes, yes I would think that would be perfect. Yes. So, tomorrow...yes?" And with her nods, (Y/n) turned around again, my heart aching as she told me goodbye, stinging painfully as flashbacks, of the day she told me she would never remember and walking away, flooded back. I felt almost crippled by the memory. Then it hit me, "I can't do this again."

I couldn't get this feeling again...(Y/n) met everything to me at one point in my life and I was, or more like still am, a wreck over her. She had so much of me and it died when she walked away from me. I can't live through her leaving me again. Shaking my head as she disappeared, my heart ached with a familiar emptiness and I bit my bottom lip, fighting back the tears. "I fucking can't." I wanted so badly to have her again. But which one did I want? The one I was still attached to in high school? That (y/n) didn't exist anymore. That (y/n) was gone. If that's what I was still fighting for, that was a fruitless fight. I had to understand that, but...could I accept that? None of this was going to be the way I wanted. She was going to be another woman...and what was I expecting from this meeting? Fate? Was I intending on her remembering how madly in love we had been? Even if she did, it wouldn't mean we would resume where we left off in high school. It's been six long years of bitterness, loneliness, resentment and anger, self or otherwise, that built so many insecurities and walls that we couldn't just leap and bound over to recreate what we had.

No.

Nothing would be the way it was. Not ever again.

I can't rebuild myself again. I hate admitting that to myself, I just wouldn't be strong enough. Yet, I already told her I would go. I couldn't set her up and never show up. I finally wiped my eyes, walking back to the group and informed Nagisa that I was turning in early then headed back to his apartment to lie in the guest bed.

As I gazed at the ceiling all I could do was sigh repeatedly. (Y/n) was everything I thought about. For so many years. To this day I still feel madly in love with her. But what was this coffee spot meeting going to end up accomplishing? What would I feel afterward? Happiness? Contentment?

Or disappointment and emptiness?

And the biggest question of any of them was the one weighing heaviest on my mind;

"Is it really worth it?"