The Last String

Chapter 21

Andrew,

If you're reading this then apparently my plan failed, yay me.

I apologise for lying to you, I know I shouldn't have and honestly, I'm not really sorry. I do not regret anything I've done. Sick I know.

I wanted you back so bad. I was desperate to have what we had once again, still am. Desperate for your love, care, lazy Friday evenings and even your snarky (but very lovely) comments to my lame jokes.

I thought with words I can draw you close, soothe you until the cage around your heart snaps as if it were made of thin caramel strands rather than rusting iron. With words, I can paint you a life you want to live for, a life that your subconscious approves of, the one you promised me before. With words, I can take what is broken inside of you and make it willing to walk the hard road of recovery- not just to wellness, but to thriving and embracing each new day, even if I myself was shattered.

I knew that unless my words were backed up with consistent love, the kind that money can't buy, they will all be as valuable as the print on the newspaper that is charring and burning in the hearth. You probably want me to 'cut the bullshit' but I promise you on my grandma's life (she says hi btw), this is not nonesense.

I wanted to be there each and every day to talk about the little things, to make you breakfast and watch silly movies with you. I wanted to be there to wrap you in my arms when the bad memories threaten to pull you over again, every time, for always. You don't have to believe me now, I'm not even asking you to, I wanted to prove it every day because I don't just love you. I adore you. To the point where it's physically painful.

But I guess that does not matter now, you probably can't stand me.

At least admit that it was a smart move. Like, come on you don't see people faking some major shit like that every day, do you? :D

P.S. Please don't hate me, I wouldn't handle it.

I'm sorry.

-Lilly

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and folded the piece of paper that I've just let out everything bottled inside me into.

Crumbling and throwing it in the bin like the seven others before was so tempting, but it took me A LOT of effort to convince myself that it was decent enough. And of course, confidence to continue with this stupid idea I came up with.

You're lost, aren't you?

Well, let's just call it operation: baby mama 101 idfk

..

(Earlier that day)

Blablabla Lilly calling Andy asking him to meet up

Blablabla Kate and Lilly freaking out

Blablbabla they meet up and talk awkwardly Bla Bla

"Andy- uhh rew, Andrew I wa-"

He cut me off twiddling his thumbs, never taking his gaze off the ground, "Lilly please don't make this even harder, we're past this so I suggest you just stop and delete me from your life. It'd be easier. You know-"

I spaced out. I could see his lips moving, feel my feet twiddling with the muddy grass but that's it. I couldn't hear a word anymore.

And that's when I had my moment of epiphany. It didn't last long, mere seconds I believe.

If it's the only thing that would keep me near him then be it.

It's okay to be reckless sometimes.

Shut up Lilly, the heck you thinking of.

Fudge cakes!

"I'm pregnant."

I blurted out so boldly it got kind of scary.

You only live once, yeah?

..

"Wanna hear a joke?" I asked trying to start a conversation as it got really awkward. He didn't say a word. Staring at the clouds, mouth agape was all he has done. Literally.

"Oookay, I'll take it as a yes. The lion was moving too slow so I told him to MUFASA. Geddit?" I smiled sheepishly.

God, have mercy on your poor slave and kill me already, I've had enough of my stupidity I swear.

Andrew looked my way bewildered. Come on man, stop with the exaggerated dramatic reaction. Say something already, gosh!

"I got this, I got this." I thought for a moment, totally ignoring him and acting as if nothing has happened then said, "If Shaquille O'Neal was a banana he'd be Shaquille O'Peal."

What? I'm trying here.

"If Shaquille O'neal was a shade of blue-green he'd be Shaquille O'Teal!"

I kept going with the smile still there. I'm sure he'd stop resisting soon. He'll crack up, I'm sure.

"If Shaquille O'Neal was a criminal he'd be Shaquille O'Steal."

This just keeps getting worse.

"If Shaquille O'Neal was overly emotional he'd-"

"Please stop." He said pleadingly.

I messed up big time. BIG TIME.

"-be Shaquille O'Feel... Okay okay, that was the last one."

I want to die already!

He was trying to process the words I just said as I gave him a crooked grin. God, everything about me is awkward. I would probably just inhale oxygen and I would look awkward.

His mouth was still half open while slowly leaning back on his seat without moving another muscle. "Pregnant as in pregnant pregnant?"

Not really, you see... It's complicated buddy.

"Yes, Andrew there's a baby inside my womb."

"Jeez how?"

Um... Is he dumb or do I seriously have to explain?

"You know how."

"How far are you?"

"Two months," I answered nonchalantly. Man, I'm burning in hell.

He grunted burying his head in his hands, "I'm the dad. Obviously."

No shit Sherlock!