This Mess That I Am (DEAR EVAN HANSEN)

Chapter 2 (X-RATED)-Evan

SUICIDE ATTEMPT

Evan ran to Connor, pulling out his phone. He dialed 911. As he waited to connect, he surveyed everything around Connor's body. A tub of spilt pills lay beside him. Evan picked the container up. Dopamine re uptake blocker.

Connor was on anti-depressants?

The other end of the phone line picked up. He told them he needed an ambulance, and because he'd found a guy who had over-dosed. He was told that emergency services would be right over. He had to hold the call until they got there though. He sat on the ground next to Connor, checking his pulse. Still there.

Evan could feel anxiety rising in his chest. Only now had the current situation taken it's toll. He began to lose control over himself. He reached over to his bag, pulling out whatever he could find. A pen. Perfect. He clicked the top, tapping his leg. He focused on the tapping. The sound of it. The feel of it. The cool metal was smooth on his fingers.

An ambulance van pulled up, and paramedics came out with a stretcher. Evam watched as they checked Cobnor over, checking for nothing broken and signs he was holding on to life still. They gently picked him up, placed him on the stretcher and slid him into the van.

One of the paramedics, a grey-haired woman in her late fourties, crouched down next to Evan.

"Are you okay, hon?" She asked.

"Y-Yeah." Evan wiped his nose with his arm.

"Alright, well, we'll let you kbow if anything happens to Mr Murphy." She gave him a warm smile, rubbing his arm. She then stood up and got back in the van with her colleague. Evan watched as they drove off, sirens wailing, lights flashing.

Evan sat in the same position for the next fourty minutes, unmoving. The container of pills was still on the ground. Evan stood, slung his bag over his shoulders, grabbed the pills and threw them in a nearby bin. He then began the walk home.

Every time he took a step, it reminded him of Connor's heartbeat. So slow that it would fit in time with Evan steps. He tried to shake his head clear of the thoughts, but they just kept crawling back in.

What if Evan hadn't found Connor when he did?

Evan ignored that thought, ignored everything. He just walked, thinking of nothing and everything at the same time. His footsteps echoed through the empty streets. Only the occasional car drove by. He was pretty calm, surprisingly, though his still had the pen gripped tightly in his fist.

He walked into his driveway to his front door. He clicked the lock open, then made sure to re-lock it behind him. He dumped his bag at the door, then sat on the living room couch. He clicked the pen.

If Evan hadn't found Connor when he did, he would have died.

Evan shuddered at the thought. He wondered if the rest of the Murphy family knew yet. Probably. He stood up, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Before Heidi had gone, she left a couple of fifties on the bench for Evan to get pizza. He opened his "Favourite" contacts. The pizza place was there, so he clicked it. He made an order, then flopped back on the couch.

After a few minutes (maybe an hour, Evan wasn't paying attention), the foorbell rang. He got up and answered it. The pizza man. He thanked and payed him, taking the pizza box awkwardly out of his hands.

The pizza was good, but Evan didn't really notice. He was waiting for his phone call. He stared at his phone, but nothing happened. It was Friday night, and Evan was still watching his phone at ten o'clock. Finally, at eleven, the call came. He scrambled to grab it, answering almost straight away.

"Is this Mr Evan Hansen?" A monotous male voice asked.

"Y-yes i-it is." Evan stuttered in reply.

"Well, Connor Murphy is perfectly fine, he has to stay in hospital for another week, then go to a rehabilitation centre." The voice droned on. "You're lucky you found him when you did. Five more minutes and he would've been dead."

"Oh, um, yeah..." Evan mumbled.

"Have a good night." The line went dead.

Evan only realised now just how tired he was. He went and had a shower, got into some pajama pants and got into bed. He fell asleep quickly, dreaming of Connor on the ground, the pills strewn around him.

-TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY MOUNTAIN DEW #NOTSPONSOREDJUSTOBSESSED-

Evan woke up. He was half hanging off his bed, his limbs entangled in his sheets. He flailed around, trying to escape. His attempts were in vain though, as the sheets only became tighter.

After ten minutes of trying to figure it out, he stood and shook the last bit off his leg. He grabbed his phone.

Message-Jared           9:38am
Hey dork, my mum wanted me to talk to you. I'm gonna pick you up in an hour.

Looked at the alarm clock on his desk. 10:30am.

Evan quickly grabbed clothes and yanked them on. He had the same shirt as yesterday, but now he was wearing jeans. He slid his feet into a comfortable pair of sneakers.

He ran to the bathroom, quickly brushed his hair, then ran out again when he heard a car honk from his driveway. He grabbed his keys.

Jared sat in the car, an impatient look on his face.

Evan lowered himself onto the leather car seat.

"Hey loser." Jared turned the keys in the ignition.

Evan looked at him. "H-H-Hey." He twiddled his thumbs nervously.

Jared snickered. "We're getting lunch, then you can go back to the useless loner crap you normally do." Jared outlined. He turned the wheel into a carpark outside Cafe Yunti.

The two boys walked in, Evan holding the door open for Jared, but not getting so much as a "Thank you." from the other boy, though he didn't really mind. They sat at a table.