This Mess That I Am (DEAR EVAN HANSEN)

Chapter 6-Evan

Evan stepped through the door. "Mom are you home?" He received no answer. He then remebered that she wasn't supposed to be home for a while still.

He went to his room. There wasn't much to do, but he didn't mind. He preferred to lie on his bed and stare at the ceiling.

It was interesting. All the lumps and swirled patterns.

When he was younger, there had been glow-in-the-dark stickers of stars and planets. As the years went by, more stickers peeled off.

He stared at the ceiling, blue eyes unblinking, limbs unmoving. His chest barely moved as he breathed. He was almost still enough for one to think that he was dead.

He only wished that were true.

-TIME SKIP FOR A FEW DAYS-

Heidi smiled at her son. "Have a great day, sweetie!"

Evan gave her a small, pained smile. Heidi always thought that this meant she was embarrasing him, but she was so wrong. Evan wished he could tell her what that smile really meant, what was hiding behind it, but he just couldn't. He didn't have the guts. He was weak. Sensitive. He knew that it would break Heidi's heart if she knew just what her son was trying to scream out.

She drove off, the dust billowing dramatically around Evan.

Girls snickered and giggled as they walked past him, pointing at everyone besides them and whispering. Evan knew what they talked about.

Connor. School shooter kid.

Jared. That kid.

Maria. That slutty bitch.

Many other names were mentioned, each under different titles.

Evan felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. He looked to meet a pair of chocolate brown eyes.

"Hey Dianne." He whispered.

"Hey Evan." She whispered back.

They walked, arms slung around each others shoulders until Connor came up. People stared as the trio walked past them. Evan's family friend, Jared Kleinman sidled up to the group cockily as Evan was grabbing his things for the day.

He smirked at Connor. "Hey freak."

Dianne lunged forward, grabbed his throat and shoved him against a locker. "No one, and I mean no one can call Connor 'Freak'." She snarled at him. "Apologise."

Jared looked uncomfortable, but somehow got the nerve and said, "You know, you could deliver me your number instead of a punch."

Dianne laughed. "Oh, I'm not going to punch you."

"You're not?" Jared asked hesitantly.

"No. Why would I do that when I can rip your spine out of your mouth?" She smiled.

Jared blinked, horrified. He struggled against her vice-like grip but the attempt was in vain.

Evan watched in horror. "D-Dianne pl-please stop." He commanded.

She looked at him, her face softening at his terror. She let the boy in front of her go. He ran down the hall as fast as he could.

"I'm sorry Evan." Dianne apologised. "You okay Connor?"

Connor nodded. "Thanks." He muttered, then walked off.

"Connor wh-where are y-you going?" Evan called after him.

"He needs some alone time. Time to recooperate." Dianne explained. "Let him be."

Evan looked at Dianne. "You really scared me." He stated, then ran off down the hallway. He heard no footsteps behind him. Good. He sprinted across the football fields and into the trees. He climbed his favourite one, then settled into to a branch, watching the morning unfold.

As he looked though, he could tell that something was off. He scanned the area around him.

Then there he was. Connor Murphy. He had a razor in his hand. He was running it over some tree bark, drawing something. Evan moved as quietly as he possibly could, trying to get a better view.

He was scratching in markings. They were like those ones in prisons, where they mark the days. Evan slid down the tree's trunk. Connor heard the thump, his head snapping around, and although he didn't see Evan, he ran away. Evan walked up to the tree.

Three hundred and forty-seven.

That was how many markings there were. Evan backed away from the tree, running back to the school buildings.

What was Connor marking?

He ran into the classroom just as the bell went.

Everyone was sitting in their cliques, as per usual, chatting. The teacher clapped his hands.

"Everyone, today we'll be doing more work..." His voice faded out as Evan stared at his book. The numbers on the page popped out at him and he flinched a little. He looked around, worried. No one noticed.

He grabbed his pen from his pencil case and began to draw.

He realised after a while that he was drawing a tree. The very tree that Connor was scratching on. It was beautiful, somehow. He didn't understand how his simple blue pen had created so many shades and variations to the piece. The detail was fine and intricate, realistic. He stared at his creation in awe. As he stared, he realised that there really was beauty in life, beauty in everything. No matter how broken a person was, they had an exquisite, unique beauty about them. Tigers; animals that will look majestic even covered in blood. Birds; still mesmerising even when they swoop at someone's head. Everything could be beautiful.

He began to draw animals surrounding the tree, as many as he could think of, then moved on to flowers, then people. He drew Dianne first, his mother second, Connor, Zoe, then Jared. All the people that mattered. All of the most beautiful people.

The bell rang, and he finally stopped. He had filled the whole page.

He closed his book, returned his pen and left the classroom.

As he sat down with his lunch, he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned his head slightly to see Dianne standing there with no food.

"J-Just sit d-down." He sighed. He couldn't leave her just standing around, not eating. He offered her an apple.

She shook her head, tapping his thin, dainty fingers on the table. The rythm was specific and urgent. Tap, tap, thump. Tap, tap, thump.

Evan simply stared as Dianne's fingers tapped.

Connor eventually came, sitting across from the two. Dianne kept tapping. Evan kept eating. Connor stared at Dianne. He was captured by the eratic sounds. Tap, tap, thump. Tap, tap, thump. Connor joined, his black nails scratching the plastic. Tap, scree, tap, scree, thump. Tap, scree, tap, scree, thump.

Evan just ate and listened. The rythm almost sounded like a cry. A cry for help. It was sad, yet compelling. You listened and you listened hard. It was screaming out, impossible to simply ignore, to block out. Amazing.

The bell rang, interrupting the mini concert.

The trio stood up, stopped to let Evan empty his tray, then went to class, not a word passing between them. There was no need for words. They had expressed how they felt through other abilities.

They were all somewhat happy within their comfortable silent language.

So hey everyone!

Finally gone back to school after being sick for a week. For some reason, even if I had school and got bored shitless, as expected, I got home, did homework and then felt the sudden urge to write. I've been editing a short Undertale story that I wrote last year, in which I plan to post and enter in a competition. Anyhoo, after I got bored editing, I wrote this.

If you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a vote and comment. If there is anything in which you are confused or just wanted to ask about, feel free to PM me, leave a message on my profile or leave a comment. I'll respond.

Thanks,

MOUNTAIN_DEW_DORITOS