Secondhand Life

Chapter 31: Section Two.

Maria's P.O.V.

A couple more minutes went on by of eating the cake I had bought in silence. I knew that this night was going to be bad, but even I didn't think it was going to be this scary. I stared at Ash with her eyes only focused on her phone. I ate my cake slowly watching her eyes, only wishing I could see the screen of her phone.

Ash ate her cake piece and looked up for a split second to see my face but turned away quickly in disgust. I saw her reaction when our eyes met, in an instant, I knew I had lost this fight.

"I think it is time for me to go, thank you for everything." I got up, and put my paper plate in the trash.

"Maybe you're right." Alice said sighing from the awkward silence in the room.

"Thank you again for everything." I said getting up. Alice nudged Ash to get up and wave goodbye as I walked out the door.

Ash got off her phone and they both led me to the front door. Alice nodded at me and left the room so Ash and I could say what we needed to say.

"Why are you talking to Isa?" I asked.

Ash's eyes widened. "How do you know who she is?"

"I got lost on my way to your house and stopped at the coffee shop she works at to ask for directions. Isa asked where I was going to and I said my ex-girlfriends house, she guessed it was me since you told her all about us. I drove her home, she lives in the same townhouse now as you did almost four years ago." I finished talking and Ash was shocked. "Now answer my question, why are you talking to her?"

Ash smiled at her phone as she had just gotten a new message and I snatched it out of her hand.

Want to come over tonight? :)

My heart dropped to the floor and I gave her the phone back. She was already finding someone new.

But the more I thought about it, I found someone new before we even ended our relationship. At least Ash broke up with me before she started dating again.

"I really fucked up Ash, I'm sorry." Was all I could manage to say, realizing more every minute of what I had done wrong. I felt my heart pang in pain, I felt now what Ash had been feeling for months when I was gone partying, and she was worried sick about my health.

"Bye Maria." Ash said with dull grey light in her green and blue eyes, her words were cold to the bone, enough to make me shiver.

"Goodbye Ash." I turned around and opened the glass door to leave. "I love you."

"I loved you." She spoke quietly and my heart jumped. "I guess it's true when they say your first love will never work out." Ash spoke the truth of what she thought for the first time since we started dating three years ago. I was mesmerized and turned towards her.

"I was never your first love, Jackson was." I said scoffing and shook my head.

"Maybe in your eyes that's how you saw it." She walked farther into her house away from me keeping her head down.

"Wait." I said holding her arm following her into the house. "What do you mean?"

"Never mind. Get off me." She pulled away but I stepped closer, took her by the arm, spun her around, and grabbed her by the waist.

"This is something I deserve to know. After all, this is about me, isn't it?" I asked seeing the shock in her eyes.

She directed her glare away from me and became frustrated. "Forget this." Ash stormed up the stairs to her room running away from me and her feelings.

I chased after her and had thoughts thundering in my mind. Jackson wasn't her first love? Where was this going?

"Ash, what are you talking about? I saw the looks on your face when you two hung out together. Of course he was your first love because we were enemies!" I yelled getting upset now.

Ash walked into her room and screamed. "You still don't get it! Three years and you still don't get it!" She was infuriated as here eyes filled with enraged tears.

"Tell me! Tell me what I don't understand because how am I supposed to understand something that you don't tell me?" I yelled back at her making my voice shrill in rage.

"I thought he was! I thought he was the first person I loved!" She took a deep breath and wiped the flow of tears from her eyes. "But when I fell in love with you, I found my heart pumping faster than ever when I started dating you, I felt myself relax and feel absolute peace when you talked, we could lie in silence for hours together and I'd never get tired of it because you were there. When you went off to college I believed in you, I was cheering you on so you could do your best and get a career for yourself, for our future together. I cried a lot of nights by myself, meanwhile, I'm sure you were busy kissing a guy who didn't give anywhere near as much as I did. You drank, partied, and forgot about me. I kept my mouth shut so I didn't bring you down, but I should've said something! Do you know how I have felt this year without you? Being without you was killing me." She was rambling her words and her eye brows arched with so many emotions running through her body.

With one simple glance, I knew. Ash was more hurt than I had ever known, and it was all my fault.

"Honey, why didn't you tell me?" I asked her putting my hand on her cheek.

"Would it have made a difference?" Ash asked.

"What?" I responded dazed.

"If I would've told you, I bet you would've come up with an excuse anyway. That you were too busy, you were studying, at a party, with your friends, going to bed soon. You wouldn't have come down here to visit me until things were too late, just like things are now." She slapped my hand off her cheek and looked sideways to the floor. "Leave."

"Ashley..." I reached forward to rest my hand on her shoulder when she struck my hand away."

"Leave, just leave!" She screamed and turned towards me, tears flashing in her eyes and mascara running down her face. Fire burned with rage on her red cheeks and her eyes fixed with hatred aimed towards my presence.

I said no more, for fear I would make her cry again. I got up and walked into the hallway, down the stairs, and through the front door to go to my car. Without another word I let the door slam.

I got to the sidewalk and started my car. I didn't want this to be part of Ash's life. She deserved so much better than me. I sat down in my car and took out my phone to text the person who deserved her more than I ever did.

"You can have her, she doesn't love me anymore. Take care of her, please."

Message sent to Isa, delivered.