My Dearest, Laurens

A. Hamilton

It was the day of John surgery and I felt a tightness in my chest as I woke up. I looked beside me and John was gone. I freaked out and ran into the living room to find John sitting on the couch watching a bootleg of this weird musical he had gotten into recently called 'Miranda'. It was about some weird old politician. He was a real pretentious dick from what I had heard of the musical. Cheating on his wife, getting his son killed, getting himself killed, such a dick.

"John, are you doing alright?" I asked.

He hadn't seemed to have noticed me beforehand so he jumped and put his hand to his chest before his eyes went wide and he shoved his head between his legs. Another migraine. I sighed and hoped that after today all of that would be gone, but he wouldn't.

He stayed in that position for a prolonged amount of time before sitting back up. The left side of his body had seemed to have gone limp again though.

"Sorry. Yea. I'm perfectly fine, Alexander. You gave me quite a fright though." He laughed.

I couldn't understand how he could laugh at a time like that! He was about to potentially die!

"You seem quite calm today." I said.

"Why would I not be? I'm about to potentially get rid of all of this pain." He was beaming.

I guess that was the difference between John and I. He had learned to see the world in a more optimistic light and I hadn't.

I looked at the time and saw that it was seven o'clock. We needed to be at the hospital by ten so I hopped in the shower and got ready and John did the same.

"Alexander..." John whispered.

"Yes, John?" I replied.

"You know, they're going to have to shave my head for this. Will you still love me with a shaved head or will you find me disgusting?" He asked, looking in the mirror.

I guess maybe he hadn't learned to see the world COMPLETELY optimistically at that point.

"Of course, baby. You'll always be beautiful to me. Even if you lost all of your teeth and you had a nose like Voldemort. I love you for so much more than you looks. I love your sense of humor and your weird obsession with musicals and how you can always seem to make me happy, even when I'm freaking out like I am right now." I told him.

I saw a tear slip down his cheek and I wiped it away.

"Hey, if I'm not allowed to cry, then you're not allowed to cry." I said.

He giggled and we met up with the gang next to Eliza's and Angelica's car. I never understood why they had to share a car when their dad was so loaded.

We all loaded into their car and we were on our way to the hospital.

When we got there I went up to the counter and got John's stuff for him to fill out. He grabbed the chart and filled everything out before returning it to the front desk. After a few minutes the doctor came out and told John that he could bring back one person with him to the prep room and he chose me.

He waved goodbye to the gang and gave them possible goodbye hugs. I walked back to the room where he had to stay until surgery. He changed into his gown and I felt a sudden sense of urgency enter my body as I realized that that may be the last time I ever got to see John alive.

I gave him the biggest hug I could think of and kissed him all over his face, all while inhaling and exhaling profusely. He grabbed my face and pulled it away from him.

He looked me in the eyes and said "Listen, I understand why you're freaking out right now but I'm trying to stay positive and you freaking out is not helping me at all right now so at least try to act calm until I go back, please."

Just as he finished what he was saying the nurse came into the the room and told him to get on the bed. He laid down on the bed and she put the mask with sleeping gas in it on him. She turned the mask on and started rolling him back to the surgery room I got to give him one more kiss on the forehead before she told him to start counting backwards from ten and they entered the surgery room.