All My Thoughts I Never Shared

Four

Two words.
Said in anger.
Or maybe it was three?
It's hard to remember.
When thoughts that I had.
Stopped at two.
But it was the fourth.
That shredded my heart.
One, two, three, four.
Yes, definitely four.
But when I think back.
To pick the exact moment.
That moment my heart cried.
I realized it died well before one.
Oh the power.
The power four words hold.
How is that possible?
Just four words.
Four words.
I can think of another set of four words.
That I wish I had heard instead.
And if I think back hard enough.
I can make myself believe they were said.
It's just a number.
He said four words.
How did it go again?
One; I'll.
Yes, that was it.
It started with I'll.
Now what was two?
My mind blanks.
Maybe that's why he repeated it four times.
He was furious by three.
And I was afraid.
And he said it again.
I could almost see him count back from ten.
Then time seemed to blur.
Or was that my vision?
So when it cleared.
I held a box in my hands.
There's my brush.
There's my blanket.
There's my pet rock from fourth grade.
These meaningful items.
Suddenly worth dirt.
Because I'm worth dirt to him.
And what of our first love note?
"I'll always love you."
Did you not know what it meant?
Always means forever.
And forever never ends.
And now I'm back to wishing.
Wishing those four words were said instead.
But they weren't.
No, two was never.
Yes, I am most certainly sure of it.
I can hear it echo in my head.
"I'll never love you."
Never.
Never.
Never.
Never.