Buried Wishes ✔

Chapter 21: How Do You Kick an Inner Voice in the Nuts?

~ [Evelyn] ~

It's Friday. I knew it meant that I have to see AND work with Liam. My anger with him for the past few days have trumped any love I felt for him deep inside, and now my heart and my mind was covered in images of my imagination, including one where I would kick him in the face.

While I have never taken any form of martial arts, and I've never really worked out either, I still aimed to do something like bruise his balls. Can balls get bruised? Is that like a second route to blue balls?

I stood in the elevator staring at my own reflection in the steel doors. I was blurry and if I didn't know that it was a reflection, I wouldn't have recognized myself. A dark chuckle escaped my lips as I realized that this was how I felt about me right now. I couldn't recognize who I was because I had somehow agreed to become Mason's girlfriend, not Evelyn.

And no, they're not the same, no matter how much I tried to sew the two ideas together. Evelyn was the girl free of drama and loved who she wanted to in silence. Mason's girlfriend was the girl who wanted to atone for her mistakes and her disloyal thoughts and yearnings.

I yanked the classroom door open and entered to see only Liam standing alone in the corner with all his notes out. He seemed to be organizing all his pre-lab stuff and checking his notes from class. I took quiet but quick steps toward him and as he turned to see me, I slapped away his expression of relief.

To my surprise, his relief was still apparent and unwavering. There was a really stupid little smile on his lips that I wanted to see forever, but I shook the thought away as he whispered, "You're okay..."

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked him a bit too harshly.

"I know how you cope with being under stress, Ev. How long did you crouch in your closet?" He knew me too well and it's my own damn fault for opening myself to him so much in high school. It's my own damn fault for loving him.

"I'm fine," I snapped at him.

"Oh, really," he said with amusement, "By the looks of it you've had... 7 cups of coffee today? 9 maybe?"

I rolled my eyes as I took out my things quietly. He was right, I've had 9 cups of coffee today and like an apple. I really didn't want to eat, and I knew that was bad for me, but I couldn't stop thinking about Harper.

She hadn't spoken to me or responded to any of my messages since the last time we spoke and I couldn't get her off my mind. She tended to spiral out of control when she got angry at something and I was usually the one to stop her before she lost herself in the messes, but this time I couldn't face her. I was too ashamed.

By the end of class, both Liam and I had finished our calculations and I stalled for him to leave first. He had his bag slung over his shoulder as he glanced at me before opening the door to leave.

And then I realized something.

I was the only student left. In an empty room. With Thomas.

Now, Thomas had kept to himself for the most part in the past few weeks, but it still didn't feel okay to be in a room with just him. His eyes tend to wander and I didn't have the strength today to fight it off. I'm running on emergency energy right now since the five hour lab I just finished burned off every last drop of coffee I've had today.

"Hey," he greeted me as he sat on the stool that happened to be like half a foot away from me. I could feel his breath on my arm and it gave me goosebumps. Bad ones.

"Hey," I responded politely, but also very VERY passively to make my point. I didn't feel like dealing with him tonight. I'm just... I'm too tired.