As We Lost the Light

I.

Now.

"Yeah, yeah, no I got it. Yes, sir, I'll take care of it first thing in the morning." I looked to my left, then my right, scurrying across the street as quickly as I could in three inch heels. The midday sun beat down heavy on my skin, my hair clinging to my face in a sticky mess. I moved my phone to the other ear, using my free hand to push the dark strands from my forehead. "I understand, sir. I'll make it happen, you can count on me." My gaze was trained on the pavement, my eyes rolling as I half-listened to what was being said.

"Sadie?"

I paused, turning toward the sound of my name as it fell gingerly from his lips.

"Mr Freedman, I have to call you back I'm driving into a tunnel," I hollered, a nervous smile forming on my lips as I pressed my finger against the touch screen, ending the phone call. "Vic?" I retorted, taking a few small steps toward him to close the distance between us. He smiled brightly from beneath the black hat that sat atop his shoulder length waves.

"Sadie," he said again softly. "Wow." He took an unsure step toward me, his arms opening up and beckoning me in for a hug. I obliged, folding into his tanned muscles for a quick moment before pulling back. I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, looking up and giving him a big smile.

"How are you?" I asked, my voice squeaking involuntarily.

He nodded his head, shifting his weight from his left foot to his right as he shoved his hands in the front pockets of his black jeans. "I'm good. Great. I just can't believe that, wow." He stumbled over his words and I let out a nervous giggle. "It's just - a surprise to see you." I nodded, my eyes darting quickly from his, down to my feet, and back again. "How have things been for you? You, you look great."

"Thanks, Vic," I replied, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. "I've been good. Staying busy." He nodded as I spoke, his brilliant eyes staying trained on mine. "Congrats on the album, by the way. It seems like you guys are doing really well for yourselves."

He smiled again. "Thanks, Sadie. That means a lot." An awkward silence fell around us, neither one of us knowing what else to say. My phone began to ring again from where it was clutched in my sweaty palm, and I groaned as I glanced at the Caller ID.

"I'm sorry, Vic, I have to take this. But it was really nice seeing you."

"Yeah, Sadie, it was really nice seeing you, too," he responded, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Bye, Vic," I said with a small wave. He returned the gesture with another brilliant smile, and I pivoted to head the opposite direction, bringing my phone back up to my ear. "Mr. Freedman, sorry about that." My heels clicked loudly against the sidewalk as I took hurried steps toward the Starbucks. My stomach was doing flips, and my chest felt heavy, weighed down by our past.

"Hey, Sadie, hold up a sec!" I heard Vic call from behind me. I could hear his breathing as he caught up to me and I lowered the phone to my side, covering the speaker with my hand. He came into view and I raised an eyebrow. "I, uh, I don't know if-" he paused, chuckling as he searched for the right words to say. "We're playing a small show tomorrow night. At Soma. And maybe, I don't know, if you're free you'd wanna come by and maybe we can have dinner after? Just to catch up? It's just, it's been such a long time." His eyes found mine, and I froze momentarily, unsure of how to respond. "If not, that's fine I totally understand I just-" he stopped again, bringing his lips together in a tight line.

"Sure, Vic. It would be nice to catch up."

"Great!" He said, his body relaxing. "I'll put your name on the list. Just go in the back and, well, you remember." I nodded my head and he laughed again. He took a few steps backwards, putting space between us once again. "See you tomorrow, Sadie."

"Yeah, Vic, see you tomorrow."

&&

"Coffee, gimme!" Sydney squealed as I sauntered past her desk. I handed her the warm cup, watching as she took a deep breath in, filling her lungs with the hazelnut aroma. I collapsed in my chair, placing my own coffee next to my computer, spinning to look at her.

"You'll never guess who I ran into." I paused, awaiting a response. She sipped at her coffee, ignoring me. "Sydney. When I say 'you'll never guess' that means you're supposed to guess."

She kicked her feet up, resting them on her desk as she took another slow sip of her latte. "Um, I don't fucking know, Sadie. Beyoncé?" I scoffed.

"Vic," I said, his name dripping from my lips as if it belonged there. Her eyes widened and coffee came spewing in my direction.

"As in your ex-boyfriend, Vic? As in 'Victor Fuentes', Vic?" She grabbed a napkin, wiping at her pants that were now stained. I nodded. "Wow, you haven't seen him in what-"

"Three years," I interjected, my mind drifting into space as I thought back on the interaction that took place a mere half hour ago.

"Jesus, Sadie," she murmured. "Are you okay?"

I shrugged. "It was fine. Just, strange, you know?"

"What'd he say?"

"He wants to catch up. He invited me to their show tomorrow and then wants to take me to dinner." Her eyes widened as if they would bug out of her head.

"And? What'd you say?"

I spun my chair away from her, facing my computer. "I said ok."

"You what?!" Her voice was high-pitched and shrill, our cubicle mates shushing her. I laughed.

"I mean, why not? It doesn't mean anything." She eyed me sheepishly. "I know what you're thinking and just stop. We were important to each other once upon a time; it'll be fine."

"If you say so," she replied, taking another sip from her cup. "I just don't want this to hurt you. I was there, remember? For the entire aftermath of that mess. Just be careful please."

I nodded, giving her a small smile as I logged into my computer and tried to focus my thoughts on my work. My mind swirled, my emotions conflicted, and I couldn't help but worry that I had made the wrong decision.

But what if I hadn't?