As We Lost the Light

IV.

The lights dimmed once again, the sound of Vic's guitar filling the air as they began their second encore, and I slipped away from the stage, unnoticed, the music fading farther and farther away as I retreated to the green room. I needed a moment alone, to think; to feel. This entire evening had been far more overwhelming than I had anticipated it to be. Throughout the entire show, as I stood on the stage watching, I could feel myself getting sucked back in, and at times I almost forgot that anything had ever happened at all, that this was no longer my life.

For four years I had stood in that very position, cheering on the person I loved most in the world. And at that time I was prepared to do it forever. But as years went by, I began to notice that Vic looked happier on that stage than he did when we were alone, and I realized that I had lost him. If I ever really had him in the first place.

I pushed open the door with my shoulder, hearing it click behind me as it closed, and I inhaled sharply. With my back against the wall I sunk down to the floor, pulling my knees against my chest. I could feel tears threatening to fall, but I willed them back, not wanting to cry, not about this. Memories swirled around me, both good and bad, and the pain that resonated within me at that moment was almost suffocating.

The last time I had been here, in this very building, was just a week before my world feel apart. I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. Something was different, I could feel it in my heart. Vic's eyes didn't shine quite as bright as I had hoped when he told me that he loved me and had missed me so. He didn't hug me quite as tight as he should have, didn't kiss me quite as deeply as I needed him to. I used to think that that day was the beginning of the end. But I realize now there were many moments throughout our time together that had shown that forever was unattainable.

The door swung open, and I quickly wiped at a stray tear that had slid to rest on my cheek, working feverishly to push myself to my feet.

"Sadie?" Vic hollered as he rushed into the room. He spotted me, a rush of air evacuating his lungs. "There you are. I was worried you left." I watched his body relax, his eyes remaining fixated on mine, and I gave him a shy smile. "Let me just take a quick shower and then we can go." I nodded, and he disappeared behind a closed door, the sound of water rushing through the pipes overhead drowning out the silence.

I had figured the rest of the band wouldn't be far behind, and though I could hear commotion out in the hallway no one else ever came through that door, and as I waited for Vic I kept hoping that someone would, praying for a distraction from the voice in my head.

"Ready?" I jumped slightly at the sound of Vic's voice, being startled out of my thoughts, and I looked up at him. He emerged from the bathroom with a smile, running a towel through his wet hair.

"Sure," I replied, shoving my phone in the back pocket of my jeans. He grabbed a hat from his bag, placing it on his head and walked towards the door as I followed behind. We stepped into the hallway and I followed him toward the exit. He pushed the door open, his hand falling to rest gently on my lower back and he followed me out into the night.

I tensed, and soon his hand was gone, a soft sorry falling from his mouth. We walked through the back lot in silence, soon approaching a brand new gold truck.

"What happened to White Thunder?" I exclaimed, trying the break the tension. Vic laughed huskily as he opened the passenger-side door for me.

"May he Rest In Peace," Vic replied, and I laughed along with him. Vic shut the door with a thud, jogging around the the drivers side and sliding in. The car smelled of new leather, and the cool air from the AC felt good on my skin. He peeled out of the parking spot, maneuvering toward the exit. He gave a small wave to a security guard as he pulled open the gate, allowing us out into the street. "Where to?" Vic finally asked. I looked over, eyeing him as he drove, his left elbow propped up against the window, his right hand gripping the top of the steering wheel, his thumb bouncing against the leather to the soft beat flowing through the radio.

"You know where," I replied, turning my head the other way as I felt my cheeks flush. I could see Vic smile and he took a quick left turn, moving in and out of traffic as we passed through downtown. It wasn't long before he pulled up in front of the hole-in-the-wall diner that we used to frequent.

We jumped out of the truck, taking quick steps to the entrance, and once inside I smiled to myself. The place hadn't changed a bit, other than the group of teenagers working behind the counter, and it was nice to know that even after everything that had changed, some things never would.