As We Lost the Light

XIII.

When I awoke the next morning my heart was still fluttering. I stretched my arms above my head, trying to relieve the kinks caused by sleeping in the small bunk. Vic was no longer beside me, likely out for a run, which had apparently become part of his morning routine while on the road. It was early, only 8:30, and I couldn't hear any noise coming from the bus besides the low hum of the generator; either everyone else was out exploring the city or were still asleep, and I was guessing the latter.

I slid out of the bunk, placing my bare feet on the carpeted floor, and padded towards the front of the bus. The lounge was empty but the shades had been hoisted high above the windows. We were in Kansas City today, last night had been St Louis, tomorrow would be Denver - where I would catch a flight and return home to San Diego. I squinted as I looked out into the desolate parking lot that surrounded the arena. There were a few other buses and trucks in the vicinity but not much commotion yet, it was far too early.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, taking a seat on the couch and pulling my legs up under me. As I sipped on it I scrolled through my phone, wading through the hundreds of social media notifications that I had awoken to - photos of me where once again circulating the internet, and I wasn't sure exactly how to feel about that. It was destined to be worse now than it had been back then, what with the bands rising success and the importance of Instagram in everyone's lives nowadays. But, it really didn't matter how I felt - it came with the territory. It was something that I would have to learn to live with, again, if I wanted to be with Vic. And, boy, did I want to.

A stream of sunlight flooded into the makeshift living room as the bus door opened with a click. I looked up to see Vic stepping inside, wiping the sweat from his face with a small towel. His hair was up under a hat, a few damp tendrils clinging to his neck, his shorts hanging low on his hips, his damp shirt clinging to his torso. I subconsciously bit my lip as I stared at the beautiful man before me.

He looked up and jumped a little, not having noticed me there, and a wide smile plastered itself across his flushed face. "Morning, babe," he said, the words falling from his lips as if he'd been saying them his entire life. I nodded, trying to peel my eyes from him before he realized that I had been ogling him, but a soft chuckle fell from mouth as he approached me - I was pretty sure he knew. He leaned down and pressed his soft lips against my forehead, my body warming under his touch. "I'm gonna take a quick shower. Be right back." I watched as he made his way to the impractically-small shower that was nestled towards the back of the bus, my eyes fixated on the muscles I could subtly see peeking through his t-shirt. I could definitely see why so many fans obsessed over him, he was gorgeous.

He returned a short time later, dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and a plain red t-shirt, a beanie situated atop his wet hair. He plopped down next to me, slinging his arm around me, and I leaned into his side, allowing my eyes to fall closed as I savored this rare, private moment.

"I missed this," he said, running his fingertips lightly up and down my side. I pressed my cheek into his chest, inhaling the sweet scent of him.

"Me, too, Vic," I replied, "I hated not being able to see you for an entire month."

He sighed, his chest rising and falling beneath my head. "That's not what I meant." His voice was so low it was almost inaudible. But I heard it, and I nuzzled myself even farther into him, knowing I felt the exact same way. We stayed like that for what felt like hours, a comfortable silence settling around us. My mind swirled, numerous thoughts flooding in and out. Vic and I hadn't really talked all that much over the course of the last month, at least, not about our past, or the events leading up to that kiss at the beach, and it was weighing on me. There were things I needed to know, that I needed to say, and maybe now was as good a time as ever.

"Can I ask you something?" My voice cracked at my question broke through the silence.

His body tensed as he responded, "Of course." I could sense the trepidation as he awaited my words. I lifted my head from his chest so I could look up at him, his gaze already directed at me, waiting.

"Why me? Why now? What changed?" The three questions fell from my mouth swiftly - I hadn't meant to bombard him like that, I was asking a lot all at once. But I needed to know, these were questions I should've asked after he confessed his feelings to me, but I had been too caught up in the moment - with his lips on mine, his declaration of love swirling around us, my heart took over, banishing my worries and questions to a deep corner, to be revisited later.

And I tried, to revisit them, but the timing was never right. We spent that first week getting to know each other all over again, and then they were gone, and I knew better than to have this conversation over the phone.

Vic was quiet for a while as he processed what I had asked, his eyes rapidly roaming my face. I pulled my hand from chest and placed in on the side of his neck, stroking the soft skin with my thumb, doing my best to quell the nerves that I was sure we're building within him. Just as he opened his mouth to respond I heard the sound of hushed voices, followed by footsteps, getting louder and louder as they approached. Mike and Alysha appeared, Mike was fully dressed, Alysha still just wearing on of Mike's shirts that practically swallowed her petite frame.

"You ready?" Mike asked, directing his attention to his brother. "That interview starts in ten minutes."

Vic sighed and I moved away from him, allowing him to stand up. Mike gave his girlfriend a quick kiss before dropping his sunglasses over his eyes and heading for the door. Vic leaned over me, pressing his lips against my temple, a reserved look in his eyes. His lips traveled to my ear.

"We'll talk later," he whispered before leaning back to look at me. I nodded, giving him a soft smile, and watched as he followed his younger brother out the door.

It seemed like we were never going to have this conversation; I couldn't help but wonder if fate was intervening for a reason - maybe I wouldn't like his answers.