As We Lost the Light

XIX.

"Help! Someone help me! Oh, God, please! She's hurt, she's really hurt! Sadie! Oh my God, Sadie please. Sadie, wake up! Sadie, wake up!"

"Sadie, wake up!" My eyes snapped open and I inhaled sharply, sitting straight up in the bed. I glanced at my surroundings, trying to bring myself back down to earth. I was in my bedroom, in my own bed. I was safe. "You okay, baby?" I looked over at Vic, his face dripping with concern as he gave me a once over. His eyes looked heavy, and seeing as my nightmare had so rudely pulled him from his slumber I could understand why. I brought a hand up to my face and rubbed at the skin, dragging my fingers across it as I worked diligently to calm my racing heart. "Baby?" He asked again. He brought his hand up to my head, running his fingers through the hair above my ear.

"Yeah, Vic, I'm fine," I whispered, trying to convince both him and myself of that fact. I was drenched in sweat, my shirt was plastered to my back, a most uncomfortable feeling. "I'm going to get some water." I slung my good leg over the edge of the bed and reached down, wrapping my hands around the cast and moving it so that it could dangle with the other.

"I'll get it," Vic said, pressing a kiss to my temple.

"No, please, I can do it." He frowned a little, starting to shake his head. "I just, I need a minute." My eyes pleaded with him, and with a deep sigh he obliged, letting himself fall back into the mattress. I pushed myself up, a jolt of pain shooting up my side as I did so; I was thankful that my pained expression was hidden by the darkness, otherwise Vic would've forced me back into the bed or insisted he come with me. I grabbed my crutches from where they rested against the night stand and I began hobbling toward the adjacent bathroom.

I pushed the door closed behind me and gazed at my reflection in the mirror that hung above the sink; my eyes were red and bloodshot, my face pale, as if I had just seen a ghost. My teeth started chattering as my body began to shake; I wasn't cold, the bathroom was nice and warm, but I continued to tremble as if I was stranded in the middle of a snowstorm.

Help me! Someone help me! Oh, God please!

I forcefully closed my eyes, trying to quiet Alysha's screams in my mind. My breathing began to pick up its pace as hot tears stung my cheeks. I lowered myself to the edge of the bathtub and took a seat, knowing that if I continued to stand I would surely crumple to the ground.

Before I had left the hospital a psychiatrist had come by to evaluate me; it was apparently protocol for all head injuries. She had warned me that I may have dreams about the accident, that it was a normal reaction to trauma, my brain's way of trying to come to terms with what had happened. Not once in the entire three weeks I was hospitalized did I experience anything of the sort. But now, on my first night home, it was happening, though it didn't seem like a dream or a flashback; it seemed real, like it was happening again. And just like the first time there was nothing I could do to stop it.

My chest tightened, as if I was being constricted by a python. I let my crutches fall to the floor as I placed my hands on my thighs, digging my nails into the exposed flesh in an attempt to redirect my brain. As I stared at the cracks in the tile floor I could hear the crunching of the passenger door as the bumper of the truck plowed into it, the sound of my head colliding with the dashboard, the glass shattering, raining down on me.

"You're okay," I muttered to myself, bouncing my leg feverishly. "Just breathe." I tried to slow my breaths but the snake was still wrapped around me; I couldn't get my lungs to expand enough to allow air in. I rocked back and forth, and though I fought hard to contain it, an audible sob wracked my body, likely attracting Vic's attention.

Sure enough the door flew open and he bounded toward me with a few quick steps. He squatted in front of me, his hand falling to rest on my knee as he attempted to slow my movements. My eyes fell closed again as I gasped for air.

"Sadie, look at me," he said, his voice surprisingly calm, the opposite of what I had expected. He placed his free hand on my cheek. Alysha's panicked cries were still echoing in my ears and now I could see blood, feel its warmth as it poured from my head. "Sadie," he said again," open your eyes and look at me."

Hesitantly, I did as he said, allowing my lids to flutter open, my body deflating as I did so. There was no blood, no glass, no screaming - just a poorly-lit bathroom. And Vic. My eyes found his and for a split second he looked frightened, but his face quickly settled, his exterior matching the tone of his voice.

"Focus on me," he breathed, brushing his thumb across my cheek, collecting a few tears that had settled there. The pressure in my chest was subsiding, and I slowed my breathing to match his.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, and he gave me a questioning frown. I wasn't sure exactly what I was apologizing for; for waking him, I guess, and worrying him. And maybe I was apologizing to myself, too, for not being strong enough to avoid the escalation.

Vic didn't say anything, only ran his knuckles down the side of my face and then scooped me up into his arms in one swift motion. He cradled me against his body and I wrapped my arms around his neck, nuzzling my face into his bare shoulder, allowing the heat from his skin to spread though my body. I never felt safer than here, in his arms.

Even though the distance between the bathroom and my inviting bed was short, I felt myself fading as he carried me, the exhaustion spreading through me as I settled down. And by the time Vic placed me gently on the mattress my breathing had slowed and I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I felt Vic's lips upon mine, heard him whisper that he loved me, and then I allowed myself to fade, praying that sleep would keep me this time.