Fake It 'Til You Make It

|20| Pain

It was hard for me to cry. Every tear shed was an effort as I tried so hard to hold them back. Yet, when something really rattled me, really stung me, they broke free as if a crack appeared in the dam and it all went to hell from there.

I sat on my bed, stunned, tears flowing down my face and I didn't even know why. I mean, Drew got what he deserved. Maybe it was because my brother was in the ER, or because people I cared about were hurt. Maybe it was all the blood and gore, or maybe it was because Dad and Mom filed for a divorce, and I had just seen Amelia's text and missed call as I arrived home.

Everything was spinning around me. After the fight, the boys dropped me off. They didn't plan to go to the ER, but Carson dropped unconscious so they had no choice. I didn't want to go. I just wanted to be reunited with my bed. But, well, then what?

A sigh escaped me and I swiped the back of my hand against my moist eyes. I was happy that Drew got what he deserved, but maybe what scared me the most was seeing what Richbrooke was really capable of, and seeing just what I had gotten myself into.

The teachers didn't care. Not even when, as someone later texted me, the police arrived and brought Drew and his friends to the hospital in an ambulance. I didn't expect everything to go so haywire, or for people to get seriously hurt. None of this was supposed to happen.

My parents also weren't supposed to get divorced. It was all my fault, and it wasn't fair. Nothing was fair, life wasn't fair. I flopped back onto my mattress and curled up on my soft pillow. The blankets were tugged up to my chin and I felt better, but only slightly.

I didn't even remember where I threw my phone after I received the news of my parent's pending divorce. I just flipped on the tv and stared at it, not paying much attention. My mind kept wandering, and I kept trying to fight it.

Finally, I climbed out of bed and exited my room. Where I was going, I had no idea, but I had to get out of the house, out of that stuffy air. I would have asked Vienna to walk with me, but I couldn't face her. She had no idea what was going on, and she'd be livid if she did.

Maybe I should have told her that her brother was in the hospital. However, as the humid air hit me like a ton of bricks, I no longer cared. I tried to leave my worries back in the house, and I wandered along the sidewalk, glancing up at the mostly clear sky.

The sun shone brightly, almost mocking me. I looked down at kicked at a crack in the sidewalk, grumbling under my breath as I did so. Everything seemed to fall apart so quickly in my life, and it wasn't funny. Nothing was funny anymore. Everything was just too serious.

I walked and walked until I felt better. A weight seemed to be lifted off my chest and I felt that I could breath better. Maybe I was scared because the fight and the divorce made everything seem so much more real. However, I couldn't let my emotions hold me back anymore. I had to be strong.

Glancing up, I realized I was in front of the high school. This shocked me, as my feet had carried me to the scene of where it all happened. Yet, I didn't feel as dismayed as I would have originally thought. Instead, I walked over and peered at the blood on the ground. No police tape, just blood. I had a feeling that not much would happen. The fight would just be, well, a fight. Everyone would be fine, though sore for a while.

As I got ready to walk on, someone called my name. I froze, slowly turning around to met the worried gaze of Chris.

"Hey, Ada, you alright? I heard you got caught up in that fight."

I nodded. It was nice to have a friend around, even if I didn't know him as well as the others. Still, Chris was extremely nice to me. "Yeah. Sadly. And, I'm not sure if I'm alright, but I think I'll manage, thanks. Maybe I'll be alright one day, at one point in my life."