In my Dreams (Under Major Revision)

Chapter 4

Sabi na e..

Should've ignored what I felt
What I felt deep in my heart
Coz now I don't even know
How to start letting you go

It hurt so bad I can't--

Binaba ko yung pen na hawak ko dahil wala akong maidugtong, all of a sudden I felt like my heart's breaking into pieces, sabi na e, sabi na talaga. Dapat hindi na ako umasa. Though I'm venting my feelings through writing, wala. Pakiramdam ko pati ang ideya tinakasan na rin ako.

Masaya naman ako e, masaya naman ako na kaibigan ko siya, sa sobrang saya ko nga naisip ko na sana.. I sighed, bakit kaya ganoon? Kung kailan ka masaya tsaka naman ipapamukha sayo ng tadhana na hindi ikaw ang para sa kanya dahil hanggang kaibigan ka lang. Muli kong binalik ang tingin ko sa notebook ko na may lyrics ng kanta, huminga ako ng malalim ng may naisip ng mga salita upang maidugtong dito.

It hurts so bad I can't explain
I should've just ran away
Beside you I just can't stay
Coz I know that we won't be
More than friends it's clear to see

Truth to be told time seems so short while your'e enjoying as for me, enjoy every moment while it lasts. I never knew that those moments will finally come to an end. My most dreadful day happened.

I 'm humming a song as I walked gracefully along the corridors with earphones on. My attention was caught by a bunch of girl students who are shrieking and shouting, I shouldn't mind them but like what they say curiousity kills the cat and true enough it kills. It kills cause it hurts.

There I saw him holding a bouquet of flowers with a large teddy bear along with it is a very beautiful girl whose wearing a white off shoulder dress, her hair is wavy which reached her waist and her nose is pointy, with those pink lips and doll like eyes, no wonder she's pretty aside from that she's tall!

I looked at him and he seems so happy. Eto na ba yung sinasabi niya? I know he's serious with the girl, he never did it to anyone else. All along I thought he finally sees me, but it seems like he still didn't.

I walked away before everyone sees how my tears fell, I walked away cause I don't want him to see me like this. All I have to do is to be happy for him, cause being friends is all we ever could be.

Coz in your heart is where she'll be
Without words you have shown me what love is
Without words your name is what my heart screams
It breaks me just to know that you really love her so
I'll try my best that it won't show
Without words you have made me much pain
Without words feels like I have drowned in the rain
And I was such a fool to believe that there was really you and me

I snapped out of my reverie when my phone rang, I looked at the caller I'd first before answering it's my bestfriend.

"Hello Best." I answered I heard a sigh before she speak

"Okay ka lang ba? are you done with the song?"

"I think so." I just said before looking at my notebook again, so this song is all about him huh?

"Let's go to the mall bes. Sige na, be ready in 30 minutes. See you bye!" bago pa man ako sumagot ay binaba niya na. I was left with no choice but to take a shower . I chose a pink hanging blouse paired with a black ripped jeans and of course a white sneakers, I also put everything I need inside my white backpack.

"Wow! You look pretty bes!" Sophie said as she scanned me from head to toe. Bago niya inangkla ang braso nya at pumasok kami sa mall. Halos pinasok na namin lahat ng store pero parang wala kaming magustuhan, this is unusual for the both of us. That's why we've decided to just eat.

"Jamie, your not you right now."

"I never knew that it would hurt this much, sino ba naman ako di ba? why am I feeling this way? We never been in a relationship pero daig ko pa ang pinagtaksilan, daig ko pa ang taong nakipag break sa boyfriend niya, take note bes, I'm moving on kahit hindi naging kami! How cliché could that be?" I said in a low voice, as I swallowed the lump from my throat and my eyes starting to water. Maybe kaya ako nasasaktan kasi minahal ko siya alam kong bawal pero ginusto ko pa din, masyado akong naging kampante, I never knew that the day he'll become serious to a girl would come.

"I – I don't know what to say bes. Don't worry I'm here for you we'll eat, shop and sing hanggang sa mawalan na tayo ng boses. Alam kong hindi lang siya ang lalaki sa mundo, maybe you're just used to with him being with you but as long as you won't see him probably you'll move-on. Out of sight out of mind." Wala daw masabi pero parang ang dami. I just smiled I'm lucky to have her as my bestfriend!

"Let's go and eat some cheesecake now, I'm carving for strawberry cheesecake." Then she winked, alam niyang di ko yun matatanggihan kasi parehas naming favorite yon, were both suckers for strawberries.

My smile immediately faded when I saw the two people that I don't want to see. It seems like they are the only people in the world and the look in his eyes, he never look at some of his girls that way, he looked at her like she's the most prettiest girl in the world and I hate it. I felt a hand that tightening in my chest I ran even before he sees me.

"Wait!" that's all I can hear from Sophie, and when I remembered her I stopped I looked at her as if she'll get my message that I wanted to go home and I'm glad she did. I just waved at her before entering our house. I went to my room and sat on my bed, once again I open my notebook and started writing

Without saying a word
I'll pretend that I don't hear
My heart whenever you're near
And though it doesn't subside
Whenever our worlds collide
I know...
Someday I'll learn to let you go
Without words you have shown me what love is
Without words your name is what my heart screams
It breaks me just to know that you really love her so
I'll try my best that it won't show
Without words you have made me much pain
Without words feels like I have drowned in the rain
And I was such a fool to believe that there was really you and me

Cause it's true, whenever he's near, all I can hear is my heart beating his name, pero ngayon sinisigaw na sa akin ng tadhana na may mahal na siya, yung taong hindi ikaw

To you I'd never learn to say goodbye
Without words you have shown me what love is
Without words your name is what my heart screams
It breaks me just to know that you really love her so
I'll try my best that it won't show

Without words you have shown me what love is
Without words your name is what my heart screams
It breaks me just to know that you really love her so
I'll try my best that it won't show
Should've ignored what I felt
What I felt deep in my heart
Coz now I don't even know
How to start letting you go
Oh yeah...
It hurts so bad I can't explain

Yeah, maybe someday I'll learn on how to say goodbye, eventually learn on how to let go of the the things that you can never really had.

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© Song Used: Without Words (English Lyrics)

By: Jang Geun Suk