Don't Throw Away Your Shot

13. Why so sad?

Laurens POV

My eyes had been closed ever since our gazes met. From under my eyelids they details of Hamilton's face haunted me. The light reflected on his glasses made his eyes shine. That detail was easy to remember when they were right in front of you. I kept running over what had happened in my head.

Why was Hamilton so vehemently talking to Laf? Why did he kiss me if he didn't like me? Even if it was an accident, he seemed so happy...

I frowned in annoyance and sighed. I cracked open my eyes and sat up quickly. Turns out Hamilton had crawled down to the floor near his desk while I was blind. I glanced at his phone that was resting in his hand. It showed the lyrics to the song that was now playing, 'Leslie Odom, sir'.

I remembered that I had lines in that so I tried to focus myself on it instead of the confusion gnawing at my insides. However I couldn't fully stop my mind from wandering. From the phone my gaze rose up to Alexander. His eyes were focused on the lyrics. He had a concentrated frown and a small smile on his face. Soon that smile was reflected on my own face. I glanced up from him and saw Lafayette staring at us. His mouth slowly opened into a grin. I looked back at my phone and focused on the music.

Eventually we'd listened through the whole musical and decided to take a break ((A/N: I'm so funny ~ padmeii)) before our rerun where we'd actually have to sing our parts. Too bad I didn't know any of the lyrics.

We walked down to the cafeteria - I mostly followed everyone, I was still getting used to the school's layout. Other students were sprawled out across the tables and floor of the large room. Seeing as none of us remembered to bring money we didn't bothering queueing up for food.

"I don't eat anyway," Mulligan commented, the others nodding.

"Well I'm hungry."

"Don't worry I got you babe." At Madison's reply Jefferson immediately pulled out packets of Mac and cheese from his pants. From under his shirt he pulled out a few packets of red koolaid.

"What the fuck..?" I finally spoke up. I watched as Jefferson got up and pestered the lunch lady for hot water. As he ran back, with a half empty pitcher of boiling water, a high pitched shriek sounded. A rather flustered teenager came sprinting at the table as Jefferson got back. A worried boy followed his limping heels.

"YOUR FUCKING BOB ROSS LOOKING SHIT BURNED MY FEET!" The teen shouted in a British accent. The sisters laughed. Hamilton showed a grin.

"George, it was necessary sacrifice for my mac and cheese." Jefferson patted George on the back.

"And hot koolaid apparently," Madison chirped. 

"Sit down you guys. You looked lonely on the bench," Jefferson patted the seat beside him. After a disgusted smirk gestured by George at his friend they sat down. Jefferson continued to make the food and drinks. Silence fell on the group again.

"Okay is it just me, or are you all quiet as hell," George pointed at the group, "especially you Hamilton. You're usually fighting with me from the moment I arrive in your presence." I glanced at Hamilton and saw that his eyes were on me. I quickly dropped my gaze. "Wait what happened between them? Why did they exchange glances? Why are you two blushing?"

"Soooo many questions for another day-" Lafayette tried to cut of his words.

"Did you kiss or something??"

"No!" Hamilton shouted at the boy in reply. I looked at them in shock, mirroring the other's faces. "No..we didn't," he sighed, looking down at the table.

"Oh my god you totally did!" George's friend finally spoke up.

"Who the hell are you?" The sisters asked in unison, trying to change the subject.

"My name is Samuel Seabury. I am the king's," he gestured to 'King' George, a common nickname George gave to himself, "queen, if you know what I mean," he lifted his eyebrows.

"Oh god I didn't even know you guys were gay," Lafayette groaned.

"Actually we are pan and bi," George scoffed.

"Don't assume everyone is like you guys," Samuel joined in.

Eliza and Angelica slowly put up their hands. "We're straight guys."

"Pfft as if!" Peggy laughed, "we all know you've had girlfriends!"

"Have..we..?" The looked at each other in confusion. We all nodded.

"Laurens you can't say anything!" Hamilton commented as I opened my mouth.

"Oh true..." I fell silent again. Why do I feel so awkward around Hamilton? Why can't everything go back to normal?

After lunch we started to head back towards the room. As I got up I glanced over everyone. Jefferson was pouring the rest of his koolaid into metal coffee cup. He handed the cup to Madison who took it with a smile. He proceeded to shove the rest of the Mac and cheese into a plastic container. He held it under his arm as he walked towards the group, behind me. Madison trotted at his side. I stayed behind the larger group, even larger now that the sisters had dragged George and Samuel with them.

"So who are you auditioning as?" I overheard Mulligan ask George and his queen.

"King Groff of course!" George replied quickly.

"Thayne Jasperson. If not, then I'll go for Anthony Ramos," Samuel replied, lost in thought.

"Well you are going to have to compete with Laurens for that," Lafayette commented, gesturing to me with his thumb. Samuel glared at me playfully, laughing with me afterwards. After chuckling I looked back to the ground. As we reached the room Hamilton was the first to sit down, this time in a corner away from the group and pulled out his phone. Once everyone took a seat Angelica asked, "Yo George, Sam, wanna practice with us?"

"I don't see any reason why not," George answered, Samuel nodding.

"Okay, let's start then," Hamilton piped up, then turned in the musical.

Burr, who had barged into the room a few minutes ago, began singing the first lines when I locked eyes with Hamilton. It was only for a second but I suddenly became extremely self conscious. I could feel heat rising to me cheeks and I choked on my voice. I didn't know if I'd be able to do my lines.

As the words, "grow up to be a hero and a scholar..." passed his lips and it was my turn I attempted to make a sound that resembled singing but all that came out was a choked, "How does a-" before I let out a sob. I immediately looked down, wiping the tears that had appeared in my eyes away. I could feel everyone's eyes on me but I didn't dare look up. After a moment Jefferson continued on with his lines and no one said a word; I still didn't raise my head.