Don't Throw Away Your Shot

16. Burn

Laurens POV

I breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm my nerves. The auditions were this afternoon. I only just managed to learn all my lines, the others cram studying last night with me to remember theirs. I rubbed my eyes, finally taking in the scenery. My friends were nowhere to be seen, all being dragged off by the stagehands. The backstage was packed with people, all competing with each other for the main roles. I shoved my hands further into the pockets in my jacket. I hadn't felt this way since my last big football match, right before running out onto the field. At least Lee wasn't here this time to make an offhanded comment about me, or whack me right upside the head for not being a "good enough" kisser or something similar to try and throw me off. I instantly regretted thinking about him as I was now more uneasy than before. I shook my head and took another breath.

Suddenly there was a crackling coming from the speakers, then a voice started booming, "Thank you to all who have showed up to audition for the school's rendition of Lin-Manuel Miranda. Everyone trying out for a role will be called up based on their name alphabetically and what roles they want to try out for. You will be judged by the musical staff in addition to Mr. Washington. Break a leg!" I chuckled at the commonly used phrase that was apparently heard often in this school,  judging from the groans from the many students. "None of you appreciate a good joke!" Washington himself added on, gaining laughs and cheers from most of the students. I fell back into my chair as they started to call out the names. As I listened to the first audition, a pretty impressive one if I do say, I thought over the lyrics to Burn, the song I was going to try out for Ramos with. It was a pinnacle song for Miranda and Ramos's relationship and the tone setter for the rest of the musical. Thinking about them reminded me of my kiss with Hamilton, making my cheeks and ears heat up. I quickly looked around before shaking my head, trying to rid myself of the butterflies that filled my stomach and mind. Being distracted didn't help me learn any lines so I pulled up the lyrics on my phone and began to sing them softly.

"I saved every letter you wrote to me
From the moment I read them
I knew you were mine
You said you were mine
I know you are mine
Do you know what my father said
When he saw your first letter arrive?
He said
"Be careful with that one, son
You will do what it takes to survive."
You and your words flooded my senses
Your sentences left me defenceless
You built me palaces out of paragraphs
You built cathedrals
I'm re-reading the letters you wrote me
I'm searching and scanning for answers
In every line
For some kind of sign
And when you were mine
The world seemed to
Burn
Burn
You drafted a letter to save me
You were going to tell that it was all your fault
This whole time
In clearing my name, you will have ruined our lives
Do you know what my father said
When he knew what we've done?
He said
"You have slept with a man
You have brought disgrace onto me."
You and your words obsessed with my legacy
Your sentences border on senseless
And you are paranoid in every paragraph
How they perceive me
Me, me, me...
I am placing myself in your narrative
Let future historians know how my father
Reacted when I said I loved you
He will never tear us apart
I am watching it
Burn
Watching it burn
The world has no right to my heart
The world has no place in our bed
They don't get to know what we did
I'm burning the drafts
Burning the letters that might have redeemed me
You win back the right to my heart
You win back the place in our bed
You will sleep without any dread
Without all of our memories
Of when we were in pine
I hope that they burn"

I breathed out, listening to the announcements.

"Hamilton, come on up!" I scrambled to the opening through the curtains to watch Alexander walk up onto the stage, waving to the judges. Thinking of those butterflies made me smile to myself. I knew what song he was singing, Farmer Refuted, one of the more difficult songs, with the overlapping dialogue.

"I'm gonna sing Farmer Refuted with the help of Samuel Seabury, who is also auditioning with this song," he ushered his partner onto the stage. I looked over and saw George kiss his boyfriend on the lips before pushing him off into the stage. I smiled at their interaction, silently wishing I had the same thing with the other boy that was in the spotlight. I watched as the judges motioned for them to start and the music instantly started to play. Their voices were both perfectly polished, both their voices being heard over the top of eachother.

I flitted my eyes towards Alex, his movements fluid and making him look good from behind, I smirked to myself. From the glimpses of his face his expressions looked natural and perfectly suited to his words. As he finished he stepped towards the judges and bowed, the panel taking notes throughout his performance. I clapped softly, watching as Hamilton walked towards the back, towards me. I panicked, seeing his smile, flipping myself back I onto the chair that I was sitting on. I brushed myself off before getting back off the chair to greet him. He swept back his hair as he stepped behind the curtain. I watched as George and Samuel kissed, then talking to each other in excited voices. He followed my gaze and smiled.

"You jealous?" I started at his voice. I hid my face with my sleeve, apparently that was enough for an answer.

"You were amazi-" I started to mumble through the cloth before he grabbed my hand away from my face and kissed me on the lips. I jumped back as soon as he let me and fell to the ground, breathily laughing.

"Was that just as amazing?" He placed his finger underneath his chin and smirked at me. My felt my face turn red and I screamed under my breath. I managed to sit up.

"I bet you'll do great too. Then we get to kiss again in the play~" he said in a happy tune. My mind reeled and I stood up from my sitting position.

"Why'd you kiss me?" It came out sharper than I intended. His gaze quickly turned to worry.

"I thought...I don't know...I like you? Like really like you? And I'm high from adrenaline and I thought you wanted it. I'm sorry," he started to turn away but I quickly grabbed his sleeve.

"I don't mind dude. It's just that..." I let out a little chuckle, "I was already so embarrassed from thinking about..you..and looking at you..now you've made it worse, oh god." He breathed out a sigh of relief and laughed.

"The view was nice huh?" He winked at me and I felt new wave of butterflies. "Well if thinking about me makes you feel like that then grab that emotion and use to your benefit. It'll make you sing your best, trust me-" he was cut off by the announcer.

"Come on up John Laurens!"

A/N: I wrote the parody myself

(Remember that Washingdad is on your side)