inspiration story...(Completed)

Birthday to me...

My birthday never has been happy. Well when I was a kid my birthday is the most happiest day of my life. Blowing the candles and eating happily with the family is the best memories ever. But as I grow up as a teen I never felt that love I wanted.  My family doesn't care as much to me. All they cared is the food. Nothing else. So my birthday is different. So what if its my birthday? nothing special ever happens in that simple day. 

I must full fill my duties as a student, a servant, a friend and a daughter thats all in me. I don't deserve to be happy. Because everyone important in my life. Dies. After and Before my birthday. Its lonely, sad and i feel...Nothing. My father died in some accident After my birthday. I was 10 when the death was announce to me. And I felt. Sad...I didn't felt happy. I felt cold, nothing, lonely. It hurts...

I couldn't even say good bye...

I miss him...

Another member of my family died this month of june. He was also close to my heart. His my grandfather...He died at his birthday and days before my birthday. I'm having none of it. Everyone dies when my important day came. Sometimes I keep on thinking that I also want to die. Atleast I will be happy with them. But I guess. Its not my time yet...Why? why?! Why take them when I can just sacrifice myself?! I'm tired of people leaving me...

Without good byes...

Without I love yous...

It pains me to see them go. Never looking back at the person that cares for them the most. Its unfair. They keep on saying..."I'm here. I won't leave you." and... "what about me? I'm here and I care for you..."It pains me to think that they won't last and stay with me. Why do you want me to smile? what for? It hurts so much...I'm telling this not for you to pity me. But to understand my sadness, my loneliness, my foolishness. 

The reason why I keep my distants far from people. I've told this to a friend once. And I feel pathetic, helpless and weak. I been trying so hard for people to stay. But they left me like dust. My birthday isn't special. Its not happy also. My nights had been so lonely. My birthdays has been sad. If only everyone knew my tear shed nights. At night I've cried so much on the painful days I been having. I felt empty. I fear that someone will be taken away from me again.

Please...

No.

Not again...

Take me instead. 

Please... No....I have enough.

Please... I beg you. don't do this to me. 

What did I even do to deserve all this? 

I didn't bother putting Happy. Because for me my birthday is nothing but a date. It will never be happy. Never to be a memorable day. 

June 8 Thursday....