Just

Chapter 10

Niall had a firm hand on my lower back, as he steered me toward his car. Scratch that. It was Greg’s truck.

                Before it was Greg’s truck, it was their father’s truck. And when he left Greg claimed it as his own. It was a nice truck. Big, black, and fairly jacked up. My truck knowledge is limited, but I know enough to know it’s a big truck.

                Well, a toddler could tell you it’s a big truck.

                Niall opened the passenger door for me, urging me inside, before walking around the front of the truck and getting into the driver’s side.

                “She’s such a bitch!” I sobbed. I kept wiping underneath my eyes.

                “I know, I know,” he said, his voice soft, as he reached for my hand. I didn’t object, like I might usually do. When I’m upset, it’s a delicate process trying to calm me down. I don’t like being touched, I don’t like being given advice, and more than anything, I hate being told to calm down.

                Niall knew all of these things, so he just held my hand while I blubbered like the five year old I really am on the inside.

                “She always brings it up! I made a mistake. One fucking mistake and she’s never going to let me forget.” I’ve made a lot of mistake, and getting pregnant was obviously one of the biggest. “I’ve tried my fucking hardest to forget about it. She makes it seem like it was harder on her than it was on me!” I was full on screaming now, just completely enraged. Niall rubbed slow circles in my hand, just watching me. “And the way she talks to you! She thinks she’s so much fucking better than everyone else. I hate her. I hate her so fucking much.”

                “You don’t hate her,” he said, softly.

                And for some reason that stopped my bitching and just made me cry. “I’m so fucking sorry I’m not the daughter she has always wanted. I’m so fucking sorry I’m not perfect.” But she deserves me. She deserves a daughter who makes her life anything less than perfect.

                And I deserve someone like her for a mother. I’m not a good person, but neither is she.

                “And she should be sorry she’s not the mum she should be.”

                “But she’s never sorry! It’s never her fault.”

                “It’s not your fault either.”

                I looked at him, once again wiping pathetically at my tears. “She always seems to think it is.”

                “Since when do you listen to what she says?” he asked, an attempt to lighten the mood.

                I tried to fight back my smile, but with little success. “Hardly ever.”

                “Then don’t let it bother you.”

                And then we were quiet for a moment. He’s right. I only ever listen to her when she says something that’s intended to bother me.

                He seemed to be zoning out a bit, as she stared out the window behind me.

                “Niall?”

                His blue eyes focused on me.

                “Did you and your mom fight?”