The Sound of Ice

12

I pick at my soggy chicken wrap as Ethan goes on and on about his date with Lacy. It's a surprisingly nice day outside, not too cold, and sunlight streams in through the windows. 

I rub at my face and stand up. "I'm going to get a napkin," I say, needing an excuse to stretch my legs out. "Be right back."

The cafeteria stretches out in front of me, dozens of circular tables crammed with loud teenagers. I dodge wrappers and puddles on the ground as I make my way to the napkin dispenser on the wall. 

Sam suddenly marches up to me. "Have you been avoiding me?" He sounds mad. He's wearing his Harvard sweatshirt.

I'm a little taken aback. "W-what? No!"

"Trina just told me what she said to you."

I open my mouth to say something but sigh instead. "I'm sorry -"

"No! Trina's my academic equivalent, not my friend. You're my friend. So can you please not walk out of my life without telling me?"

I've never seen him this mad before. I'm scared he's going to cry. His hands are in tight fists at his side.

"I'm sorry," I say again. "I just thought you needed time to work."

"I like spending time with you," he says. Students at nearby tables glance at us as his voice gets louder. "And your family, too. I can manage my own time."

"I know, I -"

"I thought you were avoiding me!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sam."

"Just..." He looks at me with a defeated face. Then he shakes his head and walks back to his lunch table.

I am the worst. I think I really am the worst. I can't focus the rest of the day and I bomb my math test. 

~

Veronica and Hailey are sitting at the kitchen table, individually doing their homework. I flop down beside them and sigh.

"I am the worst," I say. 

Hailey doesn't even look up from her work. "I know," she says, giggling. 

Veronica puts her pen down and frowns. "What happened?" Currently my favorite sister. 

"Sam hates me now."

Yeah, that makes Hailey look up. "No!"

"I mean, not hate hate me. Well, maybe. Well, probably not. I don't know. I just feel horrible. You know?"

"Bake him cookies," says Hailey. "When I'm mad at you and you bake me cookies, I feel better."

I frown. "When have I ever baked you cookies?"

"I'm just saying, in the future, you should."

"He'll be fine," says Veronica. "He's too nice to hate anyone."

I chew on my lip. "Maybe," I say. The doorbell rings and our eyes widen. "I'll get it."

It's Sam. His hands are in his sweatshirt pocket, and his breath is coming out in pale clouds. "Oh, hi," he says, like I'm the one that rang his doorbell. "Can... can I come in?"

"Of course." We go to my room, Hailey and Veronica's eyes following us, and I lean against the wall, prepared to unleash a long apology. "Sam -"

"It's okay," he says quickly. He pulls out my box of comics and sits on the ground, leafing through the pages. His eyes are sad, and he's biting his lip.

What is happening? "Are you okay?" 

"I'm okay," he says. "Can we just sit here? Not talk."

"Okay." So I sit beside him and we read old comics silently. I really don't know what's happening. I want to hug him. I read instead. 

After awhile, Sam sets down the Wonder Woman comic he's reading. "You're my friend," he says suddenly. His eyes meet mine. 

"You're my friend too," I say. 

"Okay." He picks up the comic book again. 

A voice from the hallway calls, "You're my friend, Sam!" Hailey is standing in the doorway, sucking on her thumb.

Sam laughs and I roll my eyes. "Hailey, stop sucking your thumb," I say. "And stop eavesdropping!"

"I'm not ea-ves-dropping." She walks over and sits beside Sam, crossing her legs. Sam begins to read the comic out loud, his lips curling into a smile.

I don't know. This feels okay. I think we're okay now.