The Sound of Ice

20

I wake up early in the morning in a cold sweat, my heart pounding furiously. The alarm clock on my shelf reads just past five o'clock, the red light reflecting against the walls. The sky outside is still dark. I guess I had a bad dream. I don't remember.

I throw on a sweatshirt and wander into the kitchen. Everything is quiet except for the faint rattling of the radiator, and odd shadows are thrown around the house. I'm usually never up this early. School doesn't start for another three hours.

I pour myself a bowl of cereal, wincing at the loud crunch, and flex my ankle as I eat. It's sore, like the doctor said, and it still swells up, but it feels good to walk on it. I realized I forgot to turn on the kitchen light, and when I stand up to flip the switch, I have a fucking heart attack as I glance at the window.

"Jesus, Sam!" I whisper loudly, opening the front door. A gust of frigid air blows in and I shiver. "Why are you standing out here? I saw you through the window and almost lost my shit."

Sam is standing on the doorstep with his hands in his pockets and snow on his coat shoulders. Thick, lumpy snowflakes are lazily drifting down from the dark sky, illuminating in the yellow light of the street lamps.

"I was about to knock," Sam says. "Or text you. I didn't think you'd be awake."

I shiver and lean against the door. "I woke up early and couldn't sleep. What are you doing here? It's like, five in the morning. Do you want to come inside?" He looks at his boots, caked in snow, and doesn't say anything. "...Are you okay?"

"I have to go to the cemetery."

"Oh. Okay."

"Do you want to come with me?" He glances up for the first time since I opened the door. There are snowflakes on his eyelashes and cheeks.

"Oh."

"You don't have to. I don't -"

"No, I will," I say. "Just let me get my coat. Wait inside."

Sam steps inside the front hallway, drifting in snow, and I run to my room to grab a coat and boots and hat and gloves. I hurriedly pull everything on as I scrawl out a note on the kitchen counter, saying I had to get something early for school. I don't know, okay? I feel very rushed and a little panicked because something is happening and I'm not really sure what's going on.

We walk down the street, my boots sinking in the shallow layer of snow. I blink snowflakes out of my eyes and glance at Sam, our breaths clouding in the air. The street is empty except for us, and everything is so quiet and dark, it's like we stepped into a photograph. It's a little eerie. I don't know if I should say anything, so I don't.

When we reach the church, we turn the corner instead of walking through the front doors like I would usually do. I'm not sure if I've ever really been in the cemetery, besides just driving by. It's kind of small and cramped, pushed in a yard in the back of the church. Sam knows where to go, so I follow him.

"Here," he says. It's the first time he's said anything in awhile and it makes me jump a little. Then I realize we're standing in front of two tombstones, caked with ice.

"Oh," I say. The death date on both was exactly fifteen years ago. "I'm sorry, Sam."

He stays quiet for a really long time, so I do, too.

Catherine and Will. Those were his parents' names, and they're etched in the grey stone now. I remember Sam said they died in a car accident. I wonder if he was in the car. He never told me.

Sam starts to shiver beside me, and I wonder if he's going to cry. I wouldn't know what to do.

"Are you going to cry?" My whisper carries across the empty cemetery.

The corner of his mouth raises. "No, I'm not going to cry," he says. "Thanks for asking."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. It was a long time ago. I don't really remember them. I just always come out on the anniversary of their death."

"By yourself?"

"Until now."

"Oh." My eyes follow a snowflake until it sticks to the ground. "How long were you waiting at the front door?"

He pauses. "I guess awhile."

"I would've come, you know."

"I know. That's why you're here. It just felt weird to ask."

I scrunch my hands in my coat pockets and try not to tremble. Jesus, it's cold. Sam's cheeks and nose are pink under the yellow streetlight. I wait for him to talk first.

He finally does, pulling his hat lower over his ears. "Should we go?"

"Right now? Is that it?"

"What else are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know, say a prayer or something? I don't know how these things are supposed to work."

"Me neither. I just talk to them in my head. Do you think that's enough?"

He looks at me like I'm the expert on these things, traces of worry pooling in his eyes.

"Yeah, Sam, I think that's enough," I say.

So we leave the cemetery, leaving behind two pairs of footprints. I nudge his arm as we pass by the front of the church. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," he says.

I don't know if he's telling the truth. The shadow of the church steeple twists on the road, and the snow starts to fall heavily. My fingers and toes are frozen. I wonder if this is all a dream. It feels like one.

Am I supposed to say something? I don't. I don't. We walk for what seems like hours.

A/N hey friends! I said I wouldn't be able to update but... here we are lol! What did you think of this chapter? Poor Sammy! :(